Let It Ride

In 1968, Richard Nixon won the New Hampshire primary after a six week campaign.

Let that sentence roll around in your head for a second. Six weeks. The primary was held on March 12. That means Tricky Dick didn’t get there until late January-early February. That would be simply unimaginable today. Some of these bastards have been campaigning for six months, some for over six years and at least one, concievably, for her whole life.

This is another state that inexplicably controls who gets to be President. I long for the days of a unified Super Tuesday in the South. Why shoot your wad in tiny states without a substantial number of delegates? Why freeze your ass off in Iowa and New Hampshire in the winter? Wouldn’t Georgia, Tennessee, Both Carolinas, Florida and Alabama be better places to spend your media dollars and the bulk of December and January?  This year we have Super Duper Tuesday with 19 states in play(or 24 if you count some party caucuses).  A bold move would be to spend resources in the largest eight:  California, New York, New Jersey, Conneticut, Massachusetts, Illinois, Tennessee, Georgia.   See you there February 5th.

Sadly, this year we won’t have the tears of Edmund Muskie to keep us entertained. No, we will have the tears of A.C. Kleinheider as he loses another primary bet to me.

Flush with success* and beer i.o.u.’s from various prognosticators, I have enough hubris, coffee and Bailey’s Irish Cream to call the next round.

GOP

Win: McCain–Won here last time he ran. Put all of his early primary eggs in this basket.

Place: Romney–All you need to know about New Hampshire is that they have this huge Liquor Bunker right off the interstate. Where a rest stop would normally be. People from Massachusetts drive up to buy cheap booze at a lower tax rate. Essentially it is a big, state-owned “fuck you” to Massachusetts. So is a vote against Romney.

Show: Huckabee–His evangelical shtick appeal may not play as well up here. See state line liquor store above. Look for surprise bounce, but not enough to overtake the other two.

Dem

Win: Clinton–Consider a vote for her a big “fuck you” to the rest of this conservative state.

Place: Obama–As seen on TV.

Show: Edwards–Vice-President is starting to sound better and better.

*Yes, I know Fred came in third, in a photo finish with McCain. I blame the season premiere of Law & Order mysteriously debuting the night before. A FULL INVESTIGATION of possible caucus tampering by NBC/Universal is currently underway.