Nothing More Foolish Than A Man Chasin’ His Hat

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It’s an election year. As of six hours ago. Funny, it seems like these politicians have been running for, well, in some cases, since the last election. But, as this is finally the election year proper, I’ll start writing about politics again.

The Iowa Caucus is mere days away. They have moved it, for no apparent reason other than to be assholes. Now, it must be held no later than three days after Dick Clark sees his shadow, signifying that old people shouldn’t be standing out in the cold. It’s the law. Go look it up.

Here’s my beef with the Iowa Caucus. Why is it important? Because Iowans insist that it is and the gullible press repeat it. As legendary political operative Tom Reagan once said,

You don’t hold elected office in this town. You run it because people think you do. They stop thinking it you stop running it.

Why is Iowa important? Because people think it is.

It isn’t a particularly delegate-rich state. They aren’t particularly representative of the rest of the country. Unless, the rest of the country is a bunch of hayseeds who can’t wait to get a taste of the ethanol teat. These fine citizens, who will play a key role in deciding who gets to be POTUS, are essentially voting themselves money out of the treasury. By the time the primaries get around to your state, the nominations will have been sown up by Super Bowl Sunday. Huckabee, for example, would promise every town in Iowa a stripper factory and a beer volcano if it will get him elected. A few billion dollars pledged to throw down the ethanol money hole is a small price to pay.

I’m not going to get off on an ethanol tangent. Suffice to say that using two gallons of diesel to make one gallon of ethanol and spending billions of tax dollars to do it is not a good energy policy. Thanks for nothing, Iowa.

How’s the Iowa horserace going turn out? Here’s your trifecta.

Dems

Win: Obama–Iowans still amazed at how clean and well spoken he is.

Place: Edwards–Always a bridesmaid.

Show: Clinton–Shrill, bossy women? Thanks, we’re all full here.

GOP

Win: Huckabee–Jesus likes you best!

Place: Romney–According to the golden tablets, actually won.

Show: McCain–Proof of concept. Didn’t hardly campaign in Iowa. Still did better than statistically tied Fred.

Tune in next week when we discuss why campaigning in New Hampshire is another waste of time and money.

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8 Responses to “Nothing More Foolish Than A Man Chasin’ His Hat”

  1. Music City Bloggers » Blog Archive » Io-yawn Says:

    […] Election Year ‘08 is but a few hours old, Sarcastro isn’t giving a whole lotta credence to the upcoming caucuses… Here’s my beef with the […]

  2. Jim Says:

    When do I have to start giving a shit? Do we have a caucus or a primary in Tennessee? Aw, hell, I’ll look into it the first Monday in November. Or maybe the next morning.

    I want Thompson. Loved him in “Red October.”

  3. Volunteer Voters » When They Stop Thinking It, You Stop Running It Says:

    […] Sarcastro discusses the power of public perception and the importance of the Iowa Caucuses: Why is Iowa important? Because people think it is. […]

  4. jagosaurus Says:

    “Here’s my beef with the Iowa Caucus. Why is it important? Because Iowans insist that it is and the gullible press repeat it.”

    Yep.

  5. Frank Says:

    I’m wearing my “Probably Hillary” button right now.

  6. Let It Ride « Watching The Defectives Says:

    […] Watching The Defectives Your worst humiliation is only someone else’s momentary entertainment « Nothing More Foolish Than A Man Chasin’ His Hat […]

  7. Les Jones Says:

    That was some might fine prognosticatin’, there, Sarcastro.

  8. Sarcastro Says:

    It came to me as if by divine inspiration.

    If there is indeed an all-powerful deity that could reveal to me that which is yet unknown, he better cough up the fucking Powerball numbers.

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