Archive for the ‘website’ Category

Better Things To Do

June 24, 2008

Posts around here have been sparse in recent months. To my dear and devoted readers, tough shit. I’m not your blog monkey. A wiser man once said, “I do this to entertain me, not you.” That’s so true, I wish I came up with it first.

There have been plenty of things to vent my spleen about here lately, but I just can’t squeeze out the five hundred or so well-crafted words about current events, celebrity deaths and embarrassing tales of my youth like I used to. Unlike during the Golden Age of Blogging, I have a goddamn job now. Not a job like when I owned the company and could sit in my office and fuck off online while my inexhaustible supply of cheap Guatemalan minions toiled to make downtown loft living a reality for struggling twenty-somethings making six figures a year. No, this is a real job with timecards and accountability and expectations of work being done. Something that many of you find foreign and vaguely threatening.

So unlike the aforementioned many of you, I don’t get to bitch about every little thing in my life on the company dime.

Or the government’s dime for that matter. While we are on this topic, indulge me for a second. State workers are pissing and moaning about cuts in payroll and a couple thousand have been offered some kind of buy-out deal from the Employment For Life program that they feel entitled to. Now I have some friends who are state employees and of course they aren’t included in the kind of folks we are about to discuss and are selfless public servants who do a fine job each and every day. However, in the course of my professional life I have had many opportunities to interact with several different departments of state government. From my field observations, a more worthless brand of human life you won’t find outside of a crack house or a Star Trek convention than in any random State of Tennessee cubicle farm.

Imagine a floor of an office building devoted to say, the Department of Environmental Conservation. Each and every time I go in there, the staff is lethargic to the point of narcolepsy and visibly annoyed that they are roused from their stupor to take your stupid form that you are required to fill out by law and turn in to them. Though they proudly show you the thousands of dollars of Darth Maul merchandise adorning their desk. In fact, as you look around, you notice that each cubicle is decorated in a manner where it is obvious that it took hours. These are not people who are planning on going anyfuckingwhere. Ever.

Here’s how Dollar Phil Bredesen needs to chop the deadwood out of the budget. Hold a Cubicle Decoration Contest. First five hundred entrants get a prize. A pink slip. That will send a message to the rest of these mouth breathers to do something other than suck off the taxpayer’s teat.

But, I digress.

The point of all this is, I don’t have the time to update here on anything even minimally approaching a regular basis. Posts here will be legal, safe and rare. Or is that abortions? I can never keep those two straight.

Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of posts waiting to be written about the floods in the Midwest, Amy Winehouse, Don Imus and the upcoming political season. I just don’t know when I’m going to get around to it.

I have better things to do.

Now Open – $10.00 Cover Charge

May 3, 2007

Sarcastro’s spiffy new WordPress digs are now open – here and When’s the Fun Part? – change yo’ links and blogrolls.

I still have some tweaking to do and reattaching of pics and fixing YouTubes over the next few days, but it’s basically ready to rock & roll, so have at it, people.

The Man Hisself will be along shortly, I’m sure.

– posted by Lynnster

Closing Time

May 3, 2007

Last Call for Alky-Hall. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

I’m done.

Al Sharpton pressured my advertisers into pulling the plug. Or not.

I may resurface here. Or not.

I Hope You Folks Enjoyed Yourselves

December 31, 2006

Shit I (still) refuse to care about in 2007:

Rosie O’Donnell

Donald Trump

The imminent war between the Itchy and Scratchy factions of the Republican Party.

Merrill Hoge

Kevin Federline

Any woman who has let the aformentioned Federline impregnate her.

Arthur March

Steve Irwin

The comedic stylings of Senator John Kerry 

Ted Haggard and his all-male Tweaker Revue

Michael Richards

Anything that comes out of the Pope’s mouth

Heather Mills

The West Wing

Barry Bonds

The DaVinci Code

Snakes on a Muthafuckin’ Plane

Nintendo Wii

Anything relating, even tangentially, to Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Scientology and goddamn Xenu.

Mark Foley

The rapidly diminishing earnings and relevance of the Dixie Chicks. 

People whose passing was mentioned on this site in 2006:

Scott Crossfield

Buck O’Neil

Ed Bradley

Jack Palance

Shirley Walker

Gerald Ford

Peter Boyle

Daniel Smith

Bruno Kirby

Fidel Castro (postponed)

Jack Warden

Robert Donner

Paul Gleason

Buck Owens

Al "Grandpa" Lewis

People Whose Passing Deserved A Mention On This Site in 2006:

Lou Rawls

Wilson Pickett

Don Knotts

Dennis Weaver

Darren McGavin

Kirby Puckett

Alex Toth

Billy Preston

Aaron Spelling

Mike Douglas

Glenn Ford

Byron Nelson

Red Auerbach

Ruth Brown

Robert Altman

Dave Cockrum

Ahmet Etregun

Mike Evans

Joseph Barbera

James Brown 

Fayard Nicholas

Joe Rosenthal 

Number of Visitors this Year: 

Raw:  202,688
Cooked: 55,776 

Number of Posts This Year: 279    

Number of Posts Next Year:  Substantially fewer.  There’s a little Lebowski on the way.

 

 

Staking a Claim

August 22, 2006

This Technorati deal better not be a scam, or I’ll write a strongly worded post and they’ll be sorry!

Technorati Profile

When’s The Fun Part?

August 14, 2006

In the interest of compartmentalization, most "family-oriented" future posts will not be seen here.

mallbooth.jpg A new blog, When’s The Fun Part?  will be showcasing all the hi-larity of suddenly becoming a (step)father of two rambunctious boys. Tune in to see who winds up on Ritalin first; me or the kids!

Fear not loyal reader! All the jocular bitterness, unsubstantiated opinions and potty-mouthed rantings will still be seen here.

So, if you are interested in how much one man can’t stand Crocs, PSPs, Cheaper By The Dozen 2, being asked how much longer the trip will take and anything on the goddamn Disney Channel, check it out. 

 

Another Satisfied Customer

July 26, 2006


Click on the image to see how this works.
GoSleepGo.Com – Travel Like A Badass

Fun with Google Searches

June 26, 2006

For those of you who have followed the travails of the B-list rock stars on VH1’s Supergroup, you understand how hard it is to come up with a band name.  As a service to our readers, Watching the Defectives in cooperation with Google and the other search engines, has provided this list based on the searches which have led people here.  Enjoy, and good luck with your new band!  I’m sure it will be a success.

Ay Cabron

Rickshaw Toronto

Her Fake Leg

The Bob Loblaws

Fat Black Gay Men (Not to be confused with The Fat Black Gay Men’s Chorus)

Jim Rome is a Jew

Tessmacher

Aneuryism

The Comcastards

Daddy’s Girls

Hot Daughter of Chinese Billionaire

Leann Womack Tits

Vindictive Def 

 

 

Programming Note

June 24, 2006

I’m whoring myself out to Nashville is Talking for the weekend.

I want to drag you down in the gutter with me.   Come along for the ride.

All your base are belong to Bruce Campbell

April 11, 2006

Today is the one year birthday of Watching The Defectives.  I’d like to thank the six people who read this regularly for all of your support.

Here are some meaningless statistics to commemorate this hallowed day:

Total number of unique visitors: 33,711

Average per month: 2,809

Percentage of those looking for erotic pictures of Erica Durance: 80%  Percentage of those looking for aforementioned pictures also being from Europe or Asia: 100%.

Most popular search terms that lead people here:  

    Erica Durance

    Debra Lafave

    Jew Gold

    Pamela Rogers Turner

Searches that aren’t bringing the most readers, but should:

    Cat Ghosts

    David Schwimmer is a dork

    bawdy literary humor

    children and shock collars

    flying golden bozos

There are other statistics pertaining to this site that are unquantifiable.  Like the number of incomplete sentences, missing commas, and split infinitives.  If you want to find them all, knock yourself out Poindexter.

Now, for no good reason or because Aunt B demands it, a picture of Captain Kirk:

kirk001.jpg