Archive for the ‘The lighter side of celebrity deaths’ Category

Crichton’s Wake

November 6, 2008

We must daily decide whether the threats we face are real, whether the solutions we are offered will do any good, whether the problems we’re told exist are in fact real problems, or non-problems. Every one of us has a sense of the world, and we all know that this sense is in part given to us by what other people and society tell us; in part generated by our emotional state, which we project outward; and in part by our genuine perceptions of reality. In short, our struggle to determine what is true is the struggle to decide which of our perceptions are genuine, and which are false because they are handed down, or sold to us, or generated by our own hopes and fears.

‘Jurassic Park’ author Michael Crichton dies at 66


He Was Legend

April 6, 2008

If I hear another wise crack about my \

Charlton Heston was an icon and he will be missed. Especially when the zombie apocalypse happens. We could have used a man with his experience.

Plenty of tributes around the web today. The best one I’ve read is over at Deus Ex Malcontent.

Earl Butz, 1909-2008

February 3, 2008

Former Secretary of Agriculture under Nixon and Ford, Earl Butz died yesterday. He was 98.

Not only did I find his name to be hilarious as a kid, but found him to be even funnier when I found out why he got fired.

When asked by Pat Boone what the Republicans, as the party of Lincoln, were doing to attract more blacks, Butz remarked,

The only thing the coloreds are looking for in life are tight pussy, loose shoes and a warm place to shit.

Butz was forced to resign once his remarks made the papers. To add to the hilarity, the newsmedia could not specify what he said, only that it was “too obscene to print”.

In honor of the passing of Mr. Butz, let us celebrate his life in song.

Helping Children Cope With Death

January 23, 2008

The day was a long one.  Driving home in the pissing rain only made it worse.  The radio had all the bad news.  War, famine, economic collapse and notable deaths.  I knew that a Discussion would have to take place when I got home.

The boys got home a few minutes before me.  I trudged up the stairs.  There are some duties that a father has that are not pleasant.  I was reluctant to even mention the subject.

The boys were unpacking homework and various papers from a day at school.

Boys: (in unison) Welcome home, father!

Me:  Hi, boys.  I need to talk to you about something.  Do you know who Heath Ledger is?

Boys:  No.

Me:  He is playing the Joker in the new Batman movie.

Ten:  Is he dead?

Me:  Yes.

Twelve:  (panicked)  Did he finish the movie?!?

Me:  Yes.

Twelve (relieved) Good!

Good question.

The Naked and the Dead, But Mostly the Naked

November 11, 2007

**Last time I checked, headlines like Skynet Military Launch is Delayed meant the computers were taking over the world. Or, at least it did in the Terminator movies.

**One of the official Mommy Bloggers for the Tennessean is a woman named Emily Hartley? Really? I thought Suzanne Pleshette was too old to have children.

**Norman Mailer died. I may or may not have read Harlot’s Ghost. It is entirely possible that Mailer was just a punch line thanks to my former partner in crime and SPY magazine back in the early nineties. That’s what kind of impact Norman Mailer had on me. Very little. Which is odd, as only in death he strikes me as a kindred spirit. Except for the wife-stabbing and left-wing bullshittery. There are some things that even I cannot countenance.

**My literary taste run more towards Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment. Because, of course, it has Batman as the main character.

**I don’t know if it was Sarcastro Jr.’s bout with a little virus he brought home from daycare, or the substandard Chile Colorado from La Terraza, but much like certain fine Australian wines, it has opened up the sluices at both ends.

**Kudos to Ken Burns for his 14 hour documentary The War.  If anything will run the pharmaceutical companies out of business, it will be this slumber inducing yawn-fest.   No one ever need to buy prescription sleep aids ever again.  If you drink a gallon of Nyquil, put on some Cowboy Junkies and start reading the Bible, that’s a pretty good approximation of how sleepy you will get after the first hour.

Time to go throw up some more…

“…hell yeah, I’d do it again.”

November 4, 2007

Is it too much to ask of our culture for us to pay attention to the passing of people who played a pivotal role in our history?

Instead of the  focusing on the death of Paul Tibbets, the fourth estate decided that the passing of Robert Goulet and Porter Wagoner were more worthy of the news hole.

For those of you who don’t live in Nashville, Wagoner’s funeral was carried LIVE on one of the local stations.  This is a man whose greatest contribution to posterity is the discovery of Dolly Parton.  Which is like saying you discovered, say, gravity or the Pacific Ocean.

Meanwhile, Paul Tibbets dropped the first atomic weapon on Hiroshima.  The case could suitably be made that it was the defining moment of the 20th Century.  That may not be important to some.  It’s not like he sang Jingle Bells (Batman Smells), or anything.

What I liked best about Tibbets was the utter lack of regret.  The man did his job and never lost any sleep over it.

That sort of clarity of purpose is worth remembering.


Better Than Elvis

August 19, 2007

Much of the booger-eating segment of the population gets worked up this time of year over the death of their king.

Groucho Marx also died thirty years ago this weekend. Groucho was the real King. John Lennon always said that he thought Elvis died when he went in the Army. Lennon said a lot of crap, but this time he was right. This song, for example, is better than at least half of Elvis’s post-Army catalog.

Crushed By Falling Irony

April 14, 2007

As the Imus debacle widens, Don Ho is dead.  Al Sharpton is demanding that all copies of Don Ho’s signature tune, Tiny Bubble Butts* be seized by agents of the RIAA.  The Rutgers girls basketball team is demanding a meeting with Jack Lord, who has been dead for almost a decade.

The Kurt Vonnegut Passing went unremarked by this blog mainly because since Timequake, he’s been dead to me.  It was that or the Bruce Willis version of Breakfast of Champions.  I forget which. 

*Correction:  The actual song is Tiny Bubbles.  WTD regrets any confusion. 

Rage Against The Dying Of The Light

March 22, 2007

Larry “Bud” Melman has gone gently into that good night.

So long, Calvert DeForest. You are missed.

Mystery Solved!

February 21, 2007


There are new allegations regarding the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith’s child. Sources close to the late, gold digging freak-show claim that serial killer John Wayne Gacy is the father of Anna Nicole’s bastard kid.

Mr. Gacy could not be reached for comment as he’s deader than J. Howard Marshall. Or at least deader than Daniel Smith.


Ms. Smith’s parasitic appendage, Howard K. Smith denied any involvement his client/wife/captive may have had with the deceased murderer, except to say they were prison pen pals, with benefits. Currently, Mr. Stern is embroiled in a legal battle to not only determine custody of young Dannielynn, but also over the disposition of Ms. Smith’s remains.

“I know Anna’s wish was to be buried in the crawlspace of the house alongside her son Danny,” Mr. Stern announced from behind a giant pile of cocaine and hookers. “Of course, she was so batshit crazy, anything is possible.”


An attorney for the Gacy estate, Mr. Penny Wise, issued a terse statement demanding a paternity test in order to clear his client’s good name.