Archive for the ‘Clowns’ Category

Children Are The Future

September 5, 2007

Over at Making It Rain, our new favorite sports blog, there is a fine post about the asinine comments made by Whoopi Goldberg concerning the self-destruction of Michael Vick.

I don’t have a lot to add. That’s the thing about this blog deal. If you let an idea or opinion percolate too long, someone else beats you to the marketplace of ideas with their take.

Last night, I started foaming at the mouth after reading about Goldberg’s statement and started the usual ranting and raving.

Like a crazy street person, I started yelling to no one in particular.

There are certain things that are indicative to certain parts of the country.”

Are you fucking kidding me? So are lynchings. We pretty much have all agreed that regardless of your “cultural upbringing” that it is socially and morally unacceptable. You talentless hack. The funniest thing to come out of Whoopi’s mouth is Ted Danson’s dick. And he isn’t that funny.  

I yelled downstairs to the kids, “Kids, if the house was on fire, who would you make sure got out–the dog or Whoopi Goldberg?”

The Zen-like wisdom of the boys brought the whole uproar into perspective.

“Who’s Whoopi Goldberg?”

Mystery Solved!

February 21, 2007

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There are new allegations regarding the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith’s child. Sources close to the late, gold digging freak-show claim that serial killer John Wayne Gacy is the father of Anna Nicole’s bastard kid.

Mr. Gacy could not be reached for comment as he’s deader than J. Howard Marshall. Or at least deader than Daniel Smith.

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Ms. Smith’s parasitic appendage, Howard K. Smith denied any involvement his client/wife/captive may have had with the deceased murderer, except to say they were prison pen pals, with benefits. Currently, Mr. Stern is embroiled in a legal battle to not only determine custody of young Dannielynn, but also over the disposition of Ms. Smith’s remains.

“I know Anna’s wish was to be buried in the crawlspace of the house alongside her son Danny,” Mr. Stern announced from behind a giant pile of cocaine and hookers. “Of course, she was so batshit crazy, anything is possible.”

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An attorney for the Gacy estate, Mr. Penny Wise, issued a terse statement demanding a paternity test in order to clear his client’s good name.