Was It Something I Said?

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The kind of people who like to get upset about things are upset about some Muslims trading in Labor Day for the Islamic feast called Eid al-Fitr. (Read the comments. Priceless). So they want to exchange one totalitarian based holiday for another. Big fucking deal. Try talking to your children instead of getting sending outraged emails to people who don’t give a shit. Maybe your kid won’t grow up to be a single mother giving handjobs for drugs in truck-stop parking lots. Maybe.

Now this here story I’m about to unfold took place in the early ’90s – just about the time of our conflict with Sad’m and the I-raqis. I was learning how to savvy the I-raqi language in what, according the Arabs who taught there, was a US Army madrassa.

One of the testing methods was the fabled oral examination. Not nearly as erotic as it sounds. Most folks who have taken a foreign language have had to sit through the awkward exchange of the fluent instructor talking to the student in the native language in much the same way one talks to a small child or a mentally retarded adult.

I always found that having a wee dram or three would help loosen my lingua franca come test time. Like making the sexy talk to women in the bar, speaking Arabic for test purposes is a lot easier with a couple of highballs in the bloodstream. Same principle. It lowers inhibitions and allows one to bullshit with impunity.

One day I’m flop sweating my way through one of these tests, only understanding about a third of the words being asked. The stern faced team of bitter, expatriate Levantines are clearly not impressed with my mastery of their language. They miraculously proceed to ask me a question that I happen to understand. Or at least I presume to. They asked me to tell them a story. Or a joke. I’m still not clear which. The only word I could recognize means BOTH story and joke.  Fucking Semites!

The joke I told went like this: “What does the Chancellor of Germany and an Islamic feast have in common?”

No reaction from Mr. and Mrs. Kill the Infidel.

I went on with an air of desperation, “One is Adolf Hitler and the other is Eid al-Fitr.”

With that, the test was over.  I was relieved to get out of there, regardless of how badly, if you’ll pardon the expression, I bombed.

I just don’t think those folks have much of a sense of humor.

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6 Responses to “Was It Something I Said?”

  1. Labor Day Down: Somali Presence At Tyson Leads To Holiday Swap : Post Politics: Political News and Views in Tennessee Says:

    […] Sarcastro: So they want to exchange one totalitarian based holiday for another. Big [expletive deleted] deal. […]

  2. Kristina Says:

    One of the best comments I read (I don’t remember where… The Tennessean maybe?) was from someone stating that they had a freezer full of Tyson products that they were going to throw in the trash in protest.

    Quite a novel approach, and one that will undoubtedly send Tyson execs scrambling. That is one shrewd maneuver.

  3. Aunt B. Says:

    I loved the guy that was going to show those violent Muslims by getting in his truck and sitting with a gun in the Tyson parking lot.

  4. peptodismal Says:

    You can lead the Easter parade in the Magic Kingdom

  5. Katherine Coble Says:

    I didn’t comment on this post when it first appeared. But I did tell your joke to four other people.

    So you live on, I guess.

  6. UpdallyDayday Says:

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