He Chose…Poorly.


We are mere days from learning who is to be picked as running mate for at least one, if not both presidential candidates.   It will simultaneously mark the end of one candidates aspirations.

The smart money is laying heavy odds that McCain will pick Mitt Romney to run in the number two position.  This is the dream ticket for those folks who stayed glued to FOX News and the Weather Channel while cutting out the latest Charles Krauthammer column to stick on the fridge.  This group of voters is better known as My Parents.

This is not the voting bloc that McCain needs to win in November.  These people are going to vote Republican until Jesus bugles them home.  These same voters also believe that Obama is an Islamofacist sleeper agent and that the fall of the Berlin Wall was a Commie trick to sap us of our precious bodily fluids.  McCain wasn’t their first pick, but they sure as hell aren’t going to let Barack Hussein AllahuaAkbar Dirka Dirka Jihad Obama anywhere near the White House.  These people aren’t leaving the Big GOP Tent.  They may bitch about the ringmaster, but they’re here for the whole damn circus.

If McCain picks Romney, it will be the end of the campaign.  Game over, man.  Enjoy retirement in Sun City, Johnny.  They’ll need a proven maverick to shake up the shuffleboard tournament.  You had your shot at The Big Chair and you blew it over a guy who wears magic underwear.

First off, and of least importance, Romney doesn’t deliver.  Anything.  Of the states he won in the primaries, he might bring you Maine and Colorado.  All the rest are either going to go to Obama or McCain would have won those regardless.  Hell, Romney can’t even deliver Utah.  Those folks didn’t even believe blacks were could go to heaven until, well, it no longer became convenient. Seems to be a running theme with those people. Which means blacks were no longer the accursed descendants of Cain sometime during the Carter Administration. If Pol Pot was running as the Republican nominee, he would get at least 250 thousand votes in Utah.

Again, these people aren’t going anywhere.

Second, the narrative that Obama and his surrogates are telling anyone who will listen, is that McCain is running for Bush’s third term.  How does picking a guy like Romney who could reasonably be seen as the logical extension of Bush’s third term, dispel that talking point?  Moving to the right is not the answer for McCain.  That way leads to defeat.  The country wants change.  Either McCain rides that wave or he watches another opportunity to win the presidency slip through his fingers.  All I know is that,  Charlie Don’t Surf! Neither does Romney.

The smart move for McCain will be a move to the middle.  The voters who will decide this election will be those who aren’t in love with either candidate and, in fact, aren’t going to be all busted up about who wins either way.  The independents and the undecided.  That way leads to victory.

This isn’t an exactly novel suggestion, but if McCain is serious about winning, he will press his lips against Colin Powell’s ass and smooch until his mouth is numb.  Having Powell on the ticket effectively makes the potential Obama voter think twice and the Obama advisers taste a little vomit in the back of their throats.   The black vote suddenly isn’t a foregone conclusion.  Many independents appreciate Powell’s moderate positions on domestic issues.   All those white blue collar Democrats who supported Hillary and are grudgingly backing Obama suddenly have a way to not vote for Obama and not appear racist all in one fell swoop.

Speaking of Hillary, that brings us to the Democrat’s dilemma.  Is this ticket big enough for the both of them.  Clearly, the “Let’s retire Hillary’s campaign debt“* appearances were test drives to see if they could stand on the same podium without things turning ugly.  Not to mention, it being her price for cooperation.  An unqualified endorsement from Hillary Clinton will run you about $10 million. If Hillary’s ego could take being the number two, they would be an unstoppable juggernaut of nanny-state fear mongering and white guilt.  A half-black, thick-ankled killing machine sent back from the future to kill us all with, whoops…I’ve run out of hyperbole.  Seriously, they would be the Dream Team for the Dems.

The question for Obama is do you trust the Clintons more if you are working with them or less?  They can deliver those states that Obama needs to seal the deal.  But you have to worry if you are Obama about choosing someone as your back-up who has publicly salivated at the prospect of you stopping a bullet with your head.

They do compliment each other.  He is smooth where she is shrill.  He is ebony and she is ivory living together in perfect harmony side by side on my piano keyboard oh lord why can’t weeeeeee.  Sorry.  Repeated viewings of Elmo and the Dinosaurs tonight have me a little punch drunk.

If Obama doesn’t pick Hillary, who then?  Anyone else and it will be anti-climactic.  John Edwards.  Please.  This time next week, that phony will be a bigger punch line that Al Gore.  Elizabeth Edwards will be vice-president before he is.  Obama has to go with Hillary.  Like it or not.

Word to the wise, BO.  Watch your back around the Ides of March.

*That was a ballsy move in a long line of ballsy moves on the Clinton’s part, I have to say.

“Hey, Obama.  Whaddya say you come down here and help me raise some money to put back in my own pocket to reimburse me for spending all of my own money I really didn’t have to because I refused to concede the race until it was a foregone conclusion and I was mathematically eliminated.  Not that you need money from these donors for the fall campaign or anything.”

“Sure thing, Bitch.  Let me get my checkbook.”


9 Responses to “He Chose…Poorly.”

  1. Frankly, He’s Heard Better Ideas : Post Politics: Political News and Views in Tennessee Says:

    […] on Mitt Romney as Veep: First off, and of least importance, Romney doesn’t deliver.  Anything.  Of the states he won […]

  2. Sean Braisted Says:

    That was effing hilarious.

    One point of contention though, “The black vote suddenly isn’t a foregone conclusion.” Eh, maybe McCain would get 2 or 3% more than he might otherwise, but black voters have shown that if you fuck with Obama, you are persona non grada with the community. I can’t really see more than a handful of Black voters giving up on a charismatic, exciting black candidate for President in order to get an older, more subdued black Republican vice-presidential candidate.

    Quite frankly, I think Obama oughta just go balls out and bring Colin Powell onto the ticket. The Zogby poll showed him to be the highest rated of potential Obama VP picks, and I can’t imagine the thought process of someone saying “I’ll vote for a black dude for President, but no way in hell will I vote for two black dudes at once.”

  3. Mack Says:

    McCain can’t pick a woman or an African American without it appearing to be an obvious pander.

    He can, however, pick someone young, and vibrant, and moderate.

    That said, i thing you are exactly right that McCain is killing himself with this move to the right. Truly mind boggling.

  4. Les Jones Says:

    Pander is such an ugly word.

    The other McCain veep rumor is Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. She’s young, she has executive experience, and look! no penis! Some of the women who backed Hillary because they wanted a woman in the White House could swing over to the Republican side.

  5. Mr. Mack Says:

    Les, maybe…but mostly independent or Repub women. In the end, Dem women want a win in November, and all this bluster from them is just that.

  6. Mr. Mack Says:

    And, did I use the word pander incorrectly? I argued with myself about it before i hit publish. I may have made it ugly….

  7. Sarcastro Says:

    Sean, one thing I know from hanging out with the Brothas and Sistas is they don’t care for being taken for granted. As soon as someone starts treating them like a monolithic group and not individuals with different life experiences, they tend to resent that. There is a huge backlash inside the black community (would that be ‘blacklash’?) towards Sharpton and Jackson for presuming to speak for the group as a whole.

    Which brings me to Mack. It’s only pandering when a Democrat does it. When a Republican does it, they call it “finding the most qualified person for the job”.

    McCain’s short list for VP is a parade of has-beens, nobodies and losers. How many electoral votes does Alaska bring to the table? Don’t even get me started on Bobby Jindal. Other than an endorsement from the Association of Motel and Convenience Store Owners of America, what would be the net gain?

    Les, I think all that jabbering from the Hillaryites about jumping from the Dem’s ship was just the hormones talking.

  8. Colin Parte Says:

    Hilarious and accurate in my opinion – I’ve hit the RSS button, so I’ll back for more.

  9. Mike Says:

    Regarding Hillary, Woodrow Wilson when asked why on earth he had appointed his arch enemy the notorious Cross of Gold blowhard William Jennings Bryan to his cabinet liked to tell this story.
    “When I was a boy my mother kept a kitchen garden. It was her pride and joy. Every day she would work in it, weeding and hoeing and pruning, until it was as near to perfect as a garden could be. Well one day Mother was at the kitchen window when she saw a drummer walking down the path toward our house. The drummer stopped at the immaculate white picket fence that surrounded the garden. He then unbuttoned himself and proceeded to pee all over Mother’s garden. And you know, seeing how that affected Mother has helped me to form my opinion regarding Mr. Bryan. I’d rather have him on the inside pissing out than on the outside pissing in.”

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