Who Will Buy My Memories?

by

0540–Unbelievable. As the Mrs. is getting set up in the driveway, this goober pulls up and starts looking at our wares. Even more unbelievable, he buys the crappiest pet cage we have in all of it’s rusted glory. It was the one thing we didn’t think any one in their right mind would buy. He’s going to keep chickens in it.

0640–These people are like garage sale zombies. Mindlessly shambling from one yard to the next looking for treasure in a manure pile. You know, if zombies did that as well as the whole brain eating thing. On the plus side, they give us money for this junk.

0740–The Brown Invasion. If the Mexicans want to endure a treacherous border crossing and the very real possibility of being sent back to whatever backwater shithole they came out of in order to buy up my used linens. Then I say open the borders. Mr. Bush, tear down this wall.

0810–Out of coffee. Still drinking booze, though.

0857–Out of booze. Drinking sand. Half of the stuff is gone. It won’t be missed. Only the good junk is left. No accounting for taste. Thankfully, the couple from the trailer park up the road were looking to redecorate. And kudos to the hipster with a taste for Americana that snapped up $25 worth of CD’s. Still, no one has made an offer on the Kinky Friedman documentary, Asshole from El Paso.

1003–The Doldrums have set in. The freak parade is starting to wind down. All the garage sale nuts have been at it for a couple of hours. Now we deal with the stragglers. Within the next hour will come the hagglers who want to Christian you down over a $1 chafing dish or some shit.

The Aftermath–Not a bad take.  As I type this a Guatemalan is backing up his truck to load the pool/foosball/air hockey table.  We unloaded just about everything except all of my CD’s/DVD’s and books.  Sorry I didn’t have any gospel, granny.  Try this Jason and the Scorchers Live disc,  it rocks.

The important part is that the garage is now empty enough to be usable.  We’ll try this again in the fall.  I have even more crap in storage.

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5 Responses to “Who Will Buy My Memories?”

  1. Lesley Says:

    I helped Jag out over at her place, but as God as my witness, I will never have another sale myself. No way.

  2. Mother Sarcastro Says:

    Wow. Now you’ll have enough money to fill up your SUV.

  3. Sarcastro Says:

    Just barely.

  4. peptodismal Says:

    I just sold that chafing dish on ebay for 2K

  5. fluffernutter Says:

    Laughed at “only the good stuff was left.” Same thing happened at our ’05 sale of my packrat m-i-l’s estate sale leftovers. The old decks of cards and flowerpots sold; the $35 big antique brass basins for $35 instead of $350 didn’t. The box o jeans with holes in the dick area (so help me) sold, the adorable Florence Eismann and Baby Gap dresses for $5 didn’t.

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