Notes from the Eighth Circle of Hell

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Mitt Romney dropped out, huh? That wasn’t much of a shock to anyone but the Kool-Aid drinkers who thought he had a single-mother’s snowball chance in Mormon Hell. Having someone spout off all the key hot-button phrases doesn’t make him a conservative any more than staying at a Holiday Inn Express does. If he had kept pissing his money away by prolonging his doomed campaign, that motel would one of the few places he could still afford to stay.

Let all the whining and crying from the lunatic fringe commence. So far the best view is from the folks at Reason who are covering the Big Conservative Hootenanny. Witness the aftermath of Mitty’s big announcement.

I saw what came next: old women, young women, young men ranging from the obese to the morbidly obese, streaming out of the ballroom biting their lips and choking back tears. The harder they cried, the more reporters swarmed them.

As for Romney’s chances of VP, that would be slim and none. He and McCain have exactly one thing in common: Mutual loathing.

So he plans on some half-baked Reagan in ’76 plan. Let the Dems win and mire the country in malaise. Here comes Mitt riding up in 2012 to bring back Morning in America. Here’s the problem. He isn’t Ronald Reagan. He isn’t even Michael Reagan. Mitt, howzabout next time you want to spend $40 million to become president, you get a side order of charisma to go with that. Calling the Democrats complicit in every evil deed befalling our nation, be it terrorism or too many black babies, not only rings hollow, but makes you sound like a kook.

Which brings us to Ayatollah Huckabee. Please take your Bronze Age horseshit and go back to Arkansas. There are some lepers there that need healing. Allegedly.

Now I at first had a big problem with Huckabee’s platform of making the U.S. Constitution conform to God’s Laws. Also known as sharia.* At first, I was dead set against this pronouncement. Then, I realized I would get to have multiple wives like all of God’s pals in the Bible. Hurray! Mrs. Sarcastro, however, is not pleased with this development. To clarify, Huck then went on and said,

…the Constitution was created as a document that could be changed. That’s the genius of it. The Bible, however, was not created to be amended and altered with each passing culture.

That’s when I realized he was just an idiot. Apparently Baptist clergy aren’t required to know anything about the Bible.

Fred Thompson would make an excellent choice for VP. I think I saw him play the Vice President in a movie once. But, Sleepy Fred blew that opportunity by not endorsing McCain before Super Tuesday. McCain is not a forgive and forget kind of guy. Even the Ghost of Dick Nixon thinks McCain needs to quit holding grudges.  Update:  Thompson endorses McCain.  A grateful nation sighs in apathy.

As for the Conservative Pundits who are constantly invoking   Dead Reagan for personal gain and reflected glory, it’s like when Yoko shows up to tell us what her Dead Beatle would say.  The Limbaughs and Coulters and such will start backpedaling with “Well, maybe McCain isn’t so bad and maybe we were just kidding when we compared him to Stalin.”  You can bet what’s left of Laura Ingraham’s tits on it.

Personally, I don’t trust McCain.  I want to, but I don’t.   Not that he’s a bad guy, but I’ll believe that he will lead America towards liberty and away from Big Government when I see it.  Call it Bush Fatigue Syndrome.   Fool me twice, uh, won’t get fooled again.

What McCain has going for him is the increasing list of people who are coming out against him.  If Dr. James Dobson, Jerry Falwell Jr., Jim Gilchrist, Jerry Jenkins, Donald Wildmon and Tim LaHaye are for your opponent, then you might just get my vote.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

*That cuts both ways. If Obama went to madrassa, then Huck is in favor of sharia.

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2 Responses to “Notes from the Eighth Circle of Hell”

  1. john h Says:

    Great closing to the Reason article you referenced:

    But McCain’s best/most awkward moment was when he congratulated Romney, a man he deeply dislikes, on running an “energetic and dedicated campaign”—a compliment on par with Spinal Tap being celebrated as “Britain’s loudest band.”

    Romney in the wings…too damn funny.

  2. Volunteer Voters » Not Betting On Romney Says:

    […] Sarastro is not big on the speculation that Mitt Romney’s withdrawal speech before a conservative audience at CPAC will help propel him to the Republican nomination down the road: As for Romney’s chances of VP, that would be slim and none. He and McCain have exactly one thing in common: Mutual loathing. […]

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