Good Plan, Tough Guy


I haven’t been to a real doctor for a check-up in at least five years. It has been at least the same amount of time since my last dental appointment. Unless I’m sick or injured, I just don’t see the point.

It’s that time of the decade to get my oil changed and my tires rotated. Here is the criteria I have for choosing a healthcare provider. Your recommendations are welcome.

1. Convenient location. I’m not driving to East Jockstrap. I don’t care if Dr. Cindy Crawford opened a practice specializing in men’s health in Tullahoma. Downtown will do fine, thank you.

2. Free parking. The only thing that irritates me more than paying someone to tell me that I’m not sick, is to pay to park so that I can pay someone to tell me I’m not sick.

3. Small hands. I’m over forty. I’m not interested in having some doc who played tight end for UT and has hands like catcher’s mitts. I’d rather drive to Dr. Cindy’s clinic in Tullahoma.

Price is no object. After all, someone else is paying for it.


9 Responses to “Good Plan, Tough Guy”

  1. RockyCat Says:

    The ability to speak English ranks Number One on my list. If I can’t understand a word the doc is saying and he can’t understand me, there’s no way he’s going to be treating me.

  2. Charles Nelson Barkley Says:

    I have the same health-care habits. When my Blood Pressure got so high I could actually feel it, I went to a guy named Quinn, over in that whole Baptist/St. Centennial vortex. I liked him because of this:

    “Do you drink alcohol?”
    “How much?”
    “Way, way too much.”
    “Well, you liver appears to be fine.”

  3. Sarca'stu'ro Says:

    Thank God I don’t have to deal with this for another 9 years, but I guess its never too early to start planning.

    Go for a female doc even if you do have to drive twice as far AND pay for parking. Her fingers are just about guarenteed to be smaller in diameter (unless she has “man hands”), and you might feel slightly less dirty as you walk out of the office to go home.

    If all else fails I’d be happy to give Dr. Wes Tanner a call for you. He has fingers like sausages but he’s gentle (not really).

  4. Sarcastro Says:


    I think Dad goes to a female doc for that very reason.

    He loves telling that story about you going to Tanner’s for the whole “Sick or just Lazy” exam.

  5. Ginger Says:

    You would love my doctor…
    Dr. William Ralph 329-9431

    He’s older, funny, irreverent, takes time to actually talk to you, and you don’t have to sit in the waiting room for 3 hours before you finally get called back. His office is at 22nd Avenue between Baptist and Centennial.

    Call me if you need more info.

  6. Mrs. Sarcastro Says:

    Why didn’t you just ask me? I am a nurse!

  7. Ginger Says:

    hahahaha…I am currently picturing Mrs. Sarcastro referring the Mr. to a physician who wears a size 10 glove…just as a little payback for any past wrongdoings…

    Women do that, you know. 😉

  8. Sarcastro Says:

    If I wanted a nurse to give me a prostate exam we’d just stay home.

  9. sistasmiff Says:

    When Mr. Smiff had his vasectomy, the urologist told him that one of the doctors in this very large urology outfit did his own vasectomy.

    I know that really has not a whole lot to do with you trying to find a doctor, but, being the manly man you are, I thought you might find that interesting.

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