Octopussy Galore

by

**In my Lottery Fantasy, I always wind up buying a boat and naming it The Seaward. After putting Mrs. Sarcastro’s name into the Girl Parts Name Generator, I may instead christen it The Vice of Love. Or, more accurately, The Vise of Love.

**That one Vagisil commercial is a little off-putting. This dame is putting on lipstick and yapping about how her lady parts smell like a sub-Saharan fish market. She then mentions how she’s got an itch she can’t scratch.

When I get an itch I can’t scratch, it usually leads to divorce. I wasn’t aware there was a product that took care of that for you. Other than porn, of course. I went looking online for the ad, and found out about the whole “down there” controversy. They even have an, uh, interactive map of “down there”. Just in case you were wondering how to find the Jew gold, or more likely the blood diamonds your special lady friend has been smuggling.

**There may be no word in the English language which makes me laugh like the word “twat”. It is ALWAYS good for a laugh. I momentarily toyed with the idea of renaming this blog Tiny Cat Twats. That’s how much it cracks me up.

**On VH1 or E! (is there a difference?) the other day, they had a show about celebrity sex tapes. By the time it was over, I realized I had already seen them all. The customer whose home I was in was less than impressed with my Ebertian critiques of the Tonya Harding honeymoon video or the entire Pam Anderson oeuvre. This knowledge does have a practical side. If your boner pills are giving you that six hour erection and you are contemplating a trip to the emergency room, dial up the Gina Lee Nolin home video. It may be the least erotic sex tape ever. I think churches and schools use it to get the abstinence only message across.

**Best Headline Ever. Thank you Christian Science Monitor.

**Octopus vs. Shark. Just so there isn’t any complaining about false advertising.

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2 Responses to “Octopussy Galore”

  1. peptodismal Says:

    T’was the funniest headline ever, I’ll be chuckling for a week.

  2. Holiday Grinch Says:

    I like the sound of Ebertiantwat. But most anything goes good with twat.

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