Dear HBO

by

Man! That was awesome! That Sopranos finale was soooooo worth the wait. I am incredibly fucking glad you canceled Deadwood so we could have another glorious season of Tony, Carmella, Paulie and Silvio’s madcap antics. You really outdid yourselves this time. Molto bene. That was money well spent. I am delirious with fucking joy.

You know who else had to love it? People who planned big parties around the end of it, that’s who. Imagine the delight of people across the country as they invited their friends and neighbors over to share some Sunday Gravy and watch THE SERIES FINALE OF THE (alleged) GREATEST TELEVISION SHOW EVER. Imagine how happy and satisfied they were by the time the credits rolled. Good times.

I had my kids watch the big show with us. Sure, there was some inappropriate language and a little gratuitous nudity and a bit of bloodshed. But, it was like the moon landing, right? Twenty years from now people will talk about tonight. Where they were when The Sopranos mercifully ended? If I didn’t force them to watch it, instead of the Hannah Montana Goes to Hawaii thing they wanted to watch, they would grow up to hate me for it later. It was totally worth their puzzled looks and confused line of questioning when the screen faded to black. But, hey. They’re just dumb kids, right? What do they know?

Over the last seven years, we’ve shared a few laughs and a few tears while experiencing The Sopranos. Tonight, we were awestruck. Simply awestruck by what someone will do if you back up an armored car full of dead presidents to their house and ask them to beat a dead horse one more time.

Any one know what the difference between the stripper who got beat to death by Ralph Cifaretto in season three and David Chase is?

She left the show when it was still good.

Love,

The Sarcastros

p.s. Seriously, suck my balls.

p.p.s. Take John From Cincinnati and cram him up your ass. Just like Vito did.

p.p.s.s. Why in the name of Joseph Smith’s Magic Underwear are you bringing Big Love back? That show is slightly less interesting than…something not at all interesting.

Related story: Dr. Kevorkian is now a free man. You really could have used his tender mercies last season.

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8 Responses to “Dear HBO”

  1. Katherine Coble Says:

    Dude. Get out of my freakin’ brain! ;-p

    I think we wrote our Kiss My Ass, HBO posts within 5 minutes of each other.

    Did you even try to watch the mess known as “John From Cincinatti”? Coffee-house stoner crap.

  2. badbadivy Says:

    See, I love Big Love. But I’m looking for some sister wives, so that might have something to do with it. 😉

  3. Sarcastro Says:

    I skipped it as the reviews made it clear that it was as insufferably dumb and pretentious as about half of the HBO shows wind up being.

    Bring back Deadwood and nobody gets hurt.

  4. Sarcastro Says:

    Ivy,

    I gave Big Love a chance. Honest. After about the third episode, no mas. That middle wife, who reminds everyone of Nellie Oleson from ‘Little House’ is such a little bitch, how could Chet from Weird Science stand being married to her? That right there makes the whole deal implausible.

  5. Nashville is Talking » Sopranos Series Finale Says:

    […] Sarcastro Tonight, we were awestruck. Simply awestruck by what someone will do if you back up an armored car full of dead presidents to their house and ask them to beat a dead horse one more time. […]

  6. Lynnster Says:

    OK, now I don’t feel so bad about being a season behind… (I won’t be watching this season ’til it’s out on DVD).

  7. sgazzetti Says:

    So, did you like it?

  8. Sarcastro Says:

    I liked it except for the final scene. It was too ambiguous for my pedestrian tastes.

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