Wee Robbie’s B’Day

by

haggis.jpg

In honor of the poet on his grand day, listen to Address to a Haggis.

Make it a point to have a wee dram in honor of Scotland’s greatest poet.

Or read his time honored poems like,

Nine Inch Will Please a Lady

Come rede me, dame, come tell me, dame,
My dame, come tell me truly,
What length o’ graith, when weel ca’d hame,
Will ser’e a woman duly?
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready;
I learn’t a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady.

But for a countrie cunt like mine,
In sooth we’re nae sae gentle;
We’ll tak’ twa thumb-bread to the nine,
And that’s a sonsie pintle.
O leeze me on my Charlie lad!
I’ll ne’er forget my Charlie!
Twa roarin’ handfu’ and a daud,
He nidg’t it in fu’ rarely.

But weary fa’ the laithern doup,
And may it ne’er ken thrivin’;
It’s no the length that gars me loup,
But it’s the double drivin’.
Come nidge me Tarn, come nodge me Tam,
Come nidge me o’er the nyvle;
Come louse and lug your batterin’ ram,
And thrash him at my gyvel.

If that isn’t to your tastes, try Cock Up Your Beaver.

When first my brave Johnie lad came to this town,
He had a blue bonnet that wanted the crown;
But now he has gotten a hat and a feather,
Hey, brave Johnie lad, cock up your beaver!

Cock up your beaver, and cock it fu’ sprush,
We’ll over the border, and gie them a brush;
There’s somebody there we’ll teach better behaviour,
Hey, brave Johnie lad, cock up your beaver!

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3 Responses to “Wee Robbie’s B’Day”

  1. Ginger Says:

    I’m scared. Hold me.

  2. Exador Says:

    Ya know, I’d never actually seen Haggis. It’s even worse than I imagined. It reminds me of Brundle’s kid being born at the end of "The Fly".

  3. Kathy T. Says:

    Not sure if I want to throw up or pass out. Gee.

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