Vote Early, Vote Often


As part of RaBloPoMo, we are instituting a new recurring feature here at Watching the Defectives. Call it, Douchebag of the Month. Or, as we like to say around the house, The Douchies.

Your Douchie Nominees for January:

Dane Cook. Inexplicably famous douchebag has thinner skin than a Scene writer. Celebitchy has details.

State Representative Stacey Campfield. Functionally illiterate douchebag panders to his base long after the election. A tax on porn to replace the tax on groceries. How is that gonna work, exactly? What strict definition will be used to categorize porn? Will the Music Row Roundabout then have to become a toll road?

State Senator Doug Jackson. The alleged child abusing douchebag wants to ban the Girls Gone Wild commercials. Must have seen his daughter in one. Like his fellow douche Campfield’s bright idea, this one won’t pass Constitutional muster, either. Try using the off button. Or can’t you control what your kids watch without resorting to violence, Dougie?

Tracey Moore. Thanks to this Nashville Scene writer, this award was almost named “The Cunties”. Tracey laid the smackdown on a plebe who didn’t know her station. Oh, the irony. Way to go Tracey! You rock! You sure showed her who’s the boss! Awesome! Remember the motto of Buddytown! No douchebags!

Tucker Carlson. The Tracey Moore of cable news. I’ll give TC this much. He had a right to be irritated that video clerk decided to blog about Tucker’s video selections and potential sending of books from Amazon to Tucker’s house. What makes him a douche is going down to the store and threatening the clerk with destruction.

Me. For writing this post.

Despite the overwhelming number of votes for other candidates, this month’s award goes to me for ripping off another blog.  The whole time I’m writing this post I’m thinking, “Man, this sure sounds like something I’ve read somewhere else.  Wish I could remember where.”

In the midst of stealing more material researching a future blog post, I came upon the original inspiration.   No plagiarism intended, I so swear on the grave of George Harrison.


27 Responses to “Vote Early, Vote Often”

  1. Mack Says:

    Campbell in a walk. Except, I would have thought you would nominate the people of his district for putting this guy in office. It’s a little like handing your 8 year old the car keys…Sometime, over a pulled pork sandwich perhaps, you have to clue me in on what the fuck T. Moore at the Scene ever did to get so much hostility from local bloggers. Really, i don’t get it. The incident was so completely overblown, as was the reaction to it.

  2. Mack Says:

    Sigh, Campfield, not campbell. Thats the soup family, right?

  3. Lynnster Says:

    Yeah, I’d have to vote for Campfield as well. I have like zero interest in politics but he’s twice this month jumped on my radar and annoyed me (who is, matter of fact, an intended future Knox County resident and voter). He is tacky, tasteless and obviously has a huge talent for turning off the voting public (and is obviously oblivious to what he does to do so). Feh.

  4. john h Says:

    I’ve gotta go with T. Moore. Campfield is due the lifetime achievement award for this and the others are also true public figures who win this kind of thing in their sleep.T. Moore epitomized the ‘goo-goo’ mindthink with her post, and later in the comments defended herself badly.Kudos to Moore – hands down winner for me..

  5. newscoma Says:

    Moore was an elitist in her most recent column. Campfeld isn’t acting out of character.I’m with Hutch here. Moore wins the douche of the month. Mack the reason most people are upset with her is that her bragging on getting a worker into trouble with her supervisors because she made a random comment to Moore which said something that she (Moore) got her panties in a wad about was the reason a lot of us went WTF? (That was really confusing.)And being that Sarcastro nominated himself, I give him an award just for the hell of it. He can choose which one he wants. Of course he comes in third behind Moore and Campfeld but before Jackson. Jackson just gets a "whatever."

  6. Sean Braisted Says:

    Although I should hate on som’ Republicans, I’m gonna have to go with Doug Jackson. Not only does he want to get into the business of regulating television, but more importantly he wants to regulate Cable television…the last bastion of freedom in America. This isn’t the worst House bill in regards to sex though, I think Charlotte Burks should win an all time Douche award for her bill which would’ve outlawed vibrators.Damn Democrats!

  7. Sarcastro Says:

    Burks got a free pass on the dildo law due to her husband’s unfortunate demise.However, she should serve as an example of how stupid it is to let political seats pass to the surviving kin.

  8. Bobster Says:

    Sarcastro, issues with women we see? Maybe a little therapy is in order, or you can just go pick up a hooker on Dickerson Road and beat her senseless, as I’m guessing is your style. Regardless what you think of Moore, the men are all "Douchebags" but Moore wins a "Cuntie." Doesn’t take a Ph.D. to figure this one out. You have such a way with women. Paging Dr. Freud!

  9. Sarcastro Says:

    Huh?I don’t have a way with all women, Bobster.Just yours.

  10. Bobster Says:

    And I appreciate that, Sarcastro. Because I told her there was no way I’d let her use that strap-on on me. At least now you know what it really feels like to be a cunt.

  11. Aunt B. Says:

    Is there something inherently sexist about "douchebag"? I often set myself up as the arbiter of all things sexist so let me check… Nope, a douchebag is literally a bag that holds liquid for douching. We know that douching is unnecessary, irritating, and throws off the natural balance of necessary bacteria in a woman’s vagina.Might we classify everyone on Sarcastro’s list as unnecessary, irritating, and prone to making us feel uncomfortable in our privates?Why yes, yes we can.Bobster, as far as sexism goes, perhaps you should remove Sarcastro’s rod from your eye before you try to remove your speck from his. Just saying.

  12. Bobster Says:

    Aunt B…Now really. It’s not so much a question of the terms being sexist so much as it is Sarcastro trying to pick the most offensive term he could find for the one woman on the list. Seems odd, doesn’t it?

  13. Aunt B. Says:

    Bobster, listen. Am I madly in love with Sarcastro running around calling chicks "cunts"? No I’m not. But that term is only offensive because of the sexist connotation that a woman’s cooter is somehow vile and disgusting and being called one is therefore insulting.Look, in defending Moore, you’re being sexist, too, first by insinuating that it would be insulting for Sarcastro to be the recipient of some phallic object (you know, that he would have sex like a woman) unlike you (and to that, I say, just go ahead and let your lady friend stick her finger up your ass during your next blow job. All snark aside, I bet you’d like it. And from a finger to a slender butt plug? Not that big a leap and not even that kinky, really.) and second that being the recipient during sex would somehow make Sarcastro himself into a cunt. Don’t you see how that implies that all women (who regularly have sex by receiving phallic instruments) are cunts?I’m just saying this whole "Well, how would you like it if I called you a cunt" line of argument can go no place good, based as it is on the premise that a cunt is so yucky that being called one is an insult unrecoverable from.Which is just not true.

  14. Sarcastro Says:

    Now I get what you are babbling about, Bobster.That was a shout out to the three women who referred to Moore as a cunt after reading her post on Pith.If you read for comprehension, you would see that she was almost called a cunt. I personally don’t know her, so I can’t say for sure if she is, in fact, a cunt. Her behavior towards the McDonald’s employee was certainly "cunt-like".As far as Aunt B’s assertions about the cunt meaning something yucky, I have to plead nolo contendre and refer to this definition, "In typical North American slang, the word "bitch" implies an aggressive nature, whereas the word "pussy" typically implies weakness. Although the word "cunt" is synonymous with the word "pussy", in terms of connotation, it is more closely related to the word "bitch".

  15. Bobster Says:

    Aunt B, I’ll be the first to say that a woman’s cooter is far from vile and disgusting. Agreed. But that’s not the only meaning of "cunt"–like certain other words, the "n" word for instance, it’s a bit of a cultural button, one that is usually used as a negative word to get a reaction. I’m pretty sure Sarcastro didn’t mean it as a compliment. As far as the whole strap-on, anal, thing, I don’t mean to suggest that any sexual practice is wrong or strange. It was just a gut-reaction to Sarcastro’s singling out Moore for the "cuntie" and an attempt, however imperfect, to turn the gender tables. As far as your contention, Sarcastro, that you were just using a term other people had used for Moore, well, that’s your choice. But that seems like a bit of a cop-out. Like if I named an award a "spickie" or a "kikey" for a Mexican or Jew, and then said, well, I was just using that because someone else called them that on a previous blog post. It’s still a choice you make.Seriously, Sarcastro, how would you feel if someone was calling your daughter, or wife, or sister, a cunt, or singling them out for a "cuntie," on public blogs? Maybe it wouldn’t bug you. I don’t know you. But it would sure raise my hackles. Take issue with what she said, fine. But words have power.

  16. Aunt B. Says:

    Bobster, no, clearly Sarcastro didn’t mean it as a compliment, but listen, can I just say something as a side note?We all don’t know each other. All we have to go by are each others’ words and, I think, most folks kind of get that how you present yourself is, in part, an indication of how you’re willing to be treated yourself. It’s kind of a fucked up version of the Golden Rule–Do Unto Others As You Expect to Be Done Unto You.So, you read Sarcastro a while and you get that he’s someone you can fuck around with and spar with. Right?Tracy Moore did one of the cruelest things I’ve ever seen anyone in the local "blogosphere" seem proud of doing: She got in a tiff with a local fast food worker and complained not only to that worker’s manager, but then to corporate, when she had to see that, reasonably, complaining to corporate might cost that woman her job. And then, and then, she turned around and tried to make a contest about it, where everyone who read her was also supposed to jump in and say snarky mean things about that McDonald’s employee.If she wanted to call that woman’s manager? Who cares?Maybe even if she wanted to call corporate? It seems like piling on, but okay.But to then turn around and get online and act like it’d be good fun for us all to join in on piling on this woman and making fun of her?Do you not see what a giant butt move that was, intentional or not? And how that move set a precedent for how folks might could then treat her?I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying that this whole rush to Moore’s defense like all this attention came out of nowhere and is so terribly unfair seems to me to be really weird.

  17. Sarcastro Says:

    Hold on, Bobbo. I’m not saying that because other people used it, therefore I get to use it. Acknowledging inspiration isn’t the same thing as seeking permission.I used it because it was an apt description. When one indulges in cunt-like behavior, one shouldn’t act all offended when one is labeled as such. As far as your lame comparison to racial slurs, being a kike or a spic is a condition of birth, being a cunt is one of choice.While we’re clearing the air, let’s get something straight. I have no problem with what she wrote per se. If all she did was blog about how some McDrone offended her in the drive-thru, more power to her. Moore called the corporate office to complain after complaining to the restaurant manager, thereby putting this person’s ability to earn a living in jeopardy. That’s bad enough. Then she tries to turn her cooler-than-thou outrage into a contest where everyone can get in on belittling McDonald’s woman, which is pretty damn cruel, and then, all of a sudden, everyone at the Scene is hell bent on defending Moore from other people’s cruelty?Wow, this whole time I thought she was a douchebag. Now, thanks to Bob, I’m leaning towards cunt.

  18. Bobster Says:

    Aunt Bee, SarcastroWhere is my rush to Moore’s defense? Have I even addressed the topic of what she said? No. Because that’s not what I’m objecting to. Have you even read what I wrote? If so, you haven’t comprehended it.I merely found it funny that you decided to make a special distinction for her, in essence calling her a cunt. She’s a real human being, and her name is out front, and she can’t hide behind blogger pseudonyms. So people know who she is. Sarcastro, would you like it if I called a female close to you–mother, sister, whatever–, using her real name, a cunt? If you don’t mind, then give me their real names, and I’ll be glad to do it right on this blog. As a public figure who expresses opinions, Moore is certainly open to criticism. But vicious attacks are another thing. Maybe you’re all just a little jealous that she’s intelligent and talented enough to get paid for expressing her opinions.And speaking of rushing to the defense, Aunt Bee, it seems that’s what you’re doing with Sarcastro.

  19. Sarcastro Says:

    Yeah Bob, we’re cute that way. If you want to call someone a cunt get yourself a blog and go crazy, my man. Whatever gets you off. That’s the beauty of this thing. You don’t have to be talented or intelligent to have an opinion. As you’ve clearly demonstrated.That’s nice that Moore gets paid to express her opinions, while the rest of us jealous, unintelligent and untalented riff-raff express ours just because we like to. I guess instead of a cunt, that makes her a prostitute, huh? Way to go, Bob.

  20. Bobster Says:

    I can’t call your mom or sister a cunt because I don’t know their names. what are they?

  21. brittney Says:

    Well, if we are getting technical (were we?), her name is Tracy Moore, not Tracey Moore. So, that ain’t her real name either.

  22. Aunt B. Says:

    I’m the closest thing he has to a sister, unless there’s something about his "brother" he’s not admitting. Anyway, Sarcastro is just about the least anonymous anonymous blogger ever, for if you move your eyes down to the bottom of the page, you will discover his secret identity hidden for millenia (if by "hidden" and "secret" one means "right out in plain sight").Next, I think you’re not getting my point. 1. How one acts on the internet tends to determine how one gets treated. 2. Moore did something that Sarcastro (as well as other folks) considers to be about as low-down as a person can get–to try to make sure someone was properly humiliated in front of her boss and her boss’s bosses and then to try to humiliate her again with some stupid online "Let’s all make fun of this chick" contest. He, in kind, is treating her about as low-down as he can get.She’s being met with vicious attacks because she established that she sees nothing wrong with vicious attacks.Turning around and calling me a cunt or calling Sarcastro’s mom a cunt will not actually teach or show Sarcastro anything. It will just establish that that’s the level of discourse you find appropriate.Everyone who reads Sarcastro already knows that’s the level of discourse he finds appropriate, so no surprises there.

  23. Mother Sarcastro Says:

    My goodness Bobster, why would you want to call me a name? I would never consider doing anything to cost someone his/her job, I certainly would not belittle someone who works in a menial, however honest job. I suggest you call me Ma’am.

  24. Sarcastro Says:

    Aww, gee whiz. Now my mom’s in on this. Any minute now she’s gonna make me wash the Cheeto dust off my fingers and come up from the basement for dinner.

  25. Aunt B. Says:

    Shoot, at least you just have Cheeto dust on your fingers.

  26. Mother Sarcastro Says:

    No Dear, I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap. You too, B.

  27. magniloquence Says:

    Heh. Not to jump in too late, but the whole "what if I called your female relatives names" thing isn’t exactly the radical defense it may seem like. Even though you may choose to phrase it that way (instead of phrasing it in terms of "what if I called you these names?") because there may not be an analogue you find acceptably vile, or because you know he wouldn’t be bothered by it, the mechanism by which you’re asserting your outrage still comes down to ownership. ‘What if we did it to your females?’It’s the flip side of the "she’s my sister" defense. It’s great and noble on the surface ("Look! I stood up! I made the bad guy go away!"), but it only works because there’s a framework in there that hey, you can’t do that because these women belong to that guy. It’s not that the behavior isn’t okay on it’s own, it’s that it’s not okay behavior because of who you’re talking to.Which, quite frankly, drives me nuts.That, along with the elements that Aunt B. laid out already (with an economy of words that I’ll never match), makes me far less comfortable with your attempt at defense than the actual behavior. Sure, Sarcastro could’ve been nicer (it wouldn’t’ve been in character, but it’s certainly possible), and we can have a productive discussion about the power of words and the appropriateness or inappropriateness of ascribing a word as heavily laden with unfortunate connotation as "cunt" to a woman in this or any other context. That’d be fine. But in your attempt to point these out, you, well… just kind of squicked me out a bit.

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