American Dreams

by

The schadenfreude involved in watching dreams being ground to dust on American Idol has already been chronicled here.  Let me just add that it was nice to see the lovely Paula Abdul act in a coherent manner.   She deserves high praise.  Had I been faced with the unending horde of freaks, losers and edgy drifter types, I would have been tempted to follow her strict regimen of Stoli and Lortab.

I think I have the formula figured out.  They hook you on the show by spotlighting the deluded Wiccan and the overweight, borderline retarded kids.  Inbetween those, they sneak in someone with some actual singing talent.  When that person finally shows up in the program, you are so desperate to hear someone with a pleasant singing voice, it doesn’t matter that you hate that type of music.  Not just any kind of run of the mill hate, but a hatred that borders on violence.  By the end of the show, you find yourself so emotionally invested in, say, the Hindu Donnie and Marie, that you have completely blocked out how shitty the music is.

Another show that I’m ashamed to admit to watching is Armed and Famous.  That show is fantastic.  It’s like COPS, Reno 911 and The Surreal Life had a three-way and someone wound up pregnant.   Jack Osbourne and Erik Estrada would both make excellent police officers.   In fact, I would recommend Estrada for the El Protector job here in Nashville.

In other celebrity news, last night I had a dream that Carnie Wilson had a time machine.  She went back in time to tell her younger self to not associate food with love and that her father’s mental problems aren’t her fault.  This winds up damaging the space-time continuum so that the Vietnam War goes on for another thirty years.  Tens of thousands more American boys die. An additional millions more of Vietnamese wind up dead.  The nonagenarian President-for-Life Richard Nixon was coming over to Saigon to inspect my barracks.  Thanks, Carnie.  Glad you got your daddy-issues all worked out.

No more Thai food before bed for me. 

 

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2 Responses to “American Dreams”

  1. Ginger Says:

    Sarcastro, I thought you had submitted Mr. Mack’s name for El Protector.

  2. Allison Says:

    Was Paula Abdul coherent?

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