Only 363 Shopping Days Left

by

As soon as the kids went to their father’s house, we took down the tree and rid the house of all things Christmas. By ‘we’, I mean Mrs. Sarcastro. I spent that time laying on the couch, watching the Arrested Development marathon on G4 and trying to read Jared Diamond’s Collapse. Needless to say, the Bluth Family got the better part of my divided attention.

We went to Sarcastro Mountain for an early Xmas and made it back in time for the 24 hour A Christmas Story marathon on TBS. We would have watched it back on the mountain, but my brother loaned out our sacred family DVD copy of it to someone. He’s not sure who. Or why. Or when.

I made sure the truck was packed with a portable DVD player and a slew of classic Looney Tunes. It was a life saver and kept conversations like this from taking place:

Kid: An essay has five paragraphs!

Adult: Well, technically that’s true, but…

Kid: A paragraph has five sentences!

Adult: I know they are teaching you that as a guideline, but…

Kid: Yuh-huh. My teacher said so.

Adult: Why can’t an essay contain six paragraphs if you have that much info to relay?

Kid: That’s not what the teacher said. (Kid then relays a by rote recitation of the elements of a five paragraph essay.)

Adult: But what about this arbitrary five sentences to a paragraph nonsense? What if it only takes four to get the idea across?

Kid: Then in the fifth sentence, you have to say “I liked it”, or something.

Adult: Oh, that makes perfect sense, then.

This paragraph only has one sentence. Maybe two if I really stretch it.

Upon opening their presents Christmas morning, I had the distinct feeling that they felt like they were doing us a favor. Despite the fact their mother spent the equivalent of the Gross National Product of Yemen on satisfying their unquenchable thirst for high end gaming platforms and associated software. It must be terribly depressing to get everything you could possibly want for Christmas.

We have yet another family get together scheduled for tonight. Out of town relatives and such. This may drag on until late in the week. I’ll be glad when it is all over and life can return to some semblance of normalcy. Whatever that is.

Even The Hypno-Dog is burned out.

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