Dying to Sell


Can you help a poor veteran who is down on his luck?


The sweet Whirlpool Duet Washer and Dryer set (with pedestals) has been reduced to $1000 as part of our Christmas Clearance sale! That’s a hard deal to beat!

I had hoped to pass these heirloom quality appliances on to my grandchildren. Now for half the cost of retail, you can own durable goods that will keep your family’s clothes clean for generations.


The house is still for rent. Freshly painted, I might add. Ok, freshly painted in the kitchen, hall and living room. Still, it is a great house and a bargain at $850 per month.

It has a large fenced in backyard and pets are welcome with a pet deposit.

Three (2 1/2) bedrooms and one bathroom. Large kitchen. Convenient to the interstate.

In exchange for mowing the yard, I can come off the rent some.

Here’s the deal folks, Donald Rumsfeld swore that he would find a way to fuck me over if it took starting a war in Iraq to do it. Unless I come up with some dough pretty quick, Rummy and his goons are gonna ship me off to die. I wound up putting a round of golf, lunch at the clubhouse and a truckload of adult beverages on his tab a few years back and he’s never gotten over it. Some people can’t take a joke. Unless I pay him back, I’ll be forced to go to Iraq. He has to receive the money by the time he leaves office next week, or I’m doomed. Once he isn’t SecDef anymore, the order can’t be rescinded.


 O Muse!
Sing in me, and through me tell the story
Of that man skilled in all the ways of contending,
A wanderer, harried for years on end…


5 Responses to “Dying to Sell”

  1. Mack Says:

    Enjoy Baghdad, my brother.

  2. Donald Rumsfeld Says:

    Thank God I finally found you.I’ll be by Tuesday to take over the house and the washer and dryer while you’re shipping out.

  3. Aunt B. Says:

    Well, on the upside, you know Rumsfeld isn’t going to actually send enough people to successfully take and secure your washer and dryer.

  4. Lesley Says:

    You do not know how much I’m drooling over the Duet. But, alas, I have no $1000 with which to purchase them. I’m terribly sorry that they’re looking for a home.

  5. saraclark Says:

    There is always the off chance that you can get Kat Coble to buy Rumsfeld off with her charms. Especially if you can get him to wear a big red bow. Everybody wins.

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