All Is Forgiven


A few weeks ago, an unnamed co-conspirator and I were in the Tennessee Democratic Party’s headquarters.  He had left his briefcase there sometime prior to that.   I was dragged kicking and screaming into the belly of the beast so that he might retrieve said briefcase.

When confronted by the Least Cooperative Receptionist in America, I started to smirk.  My amigo knew what I was thinking.  Actually, he took it a step further.  I saw the receptionist and her lack of urgency in doing anything as emblematic of not only the Democratic party but of the political system in general.  He, in turn, thought I made it into an "affirmative action" thing.  Which it probably is, but it hadn’t crossed my mind.  That’s not to say that this woman with no interest in doing much of anything besides her nails and talking on her cell phone was hired because of a lack of the appropriate skills.  Rather, it seemed to me that the Dems wanted to have a Trophy Minority out front to highlight their commitment to diversity.  Whatever that means.

She was not interested in finding the briefcase.  She was not interested in calling anyone who might know where the briefcase was hidden. She was not interested in looking in the office of the person who my compadre had the meeting with to see if it was sitting there waiting to be claimed.  Her attitude was dismissive and she wished not to be bothered with the problems of the little people for a minute longer.

I figured that the Dems were probably afraid to fire this woman because she would cause a stink and claim it was racially motivated.  My Democrat friend immediately lamped me as one who was about to make an affirmative action comment.  I wasn’t.  Rather, it seemed that this is the sort of result you get when you are afraid to fire anyone for cause.  Especially so when you are trying to score political brownie points for being more concerned about your office looking like the kids on hilltop belting out "I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing" than getting any work done.

This story popped into my head after reading PJ Tobia’s story in this week’s Nashville Scene.  It is funny because it is true.  Long story short, the Pinko-Commie-Hippie cabal over at the suddenly ironic sounding Nashville Peace and Justice Center fired a guy for being an incompetent.

Being a bastion of guilt-ridden Liberals (not that there’s anything wrong with that), they showed the cool headed organizational skills of Barney Fife at Iwo Jima.  The firing of this man went as well as what one would expect from a board meeting that stunk of "body odor and patchouli oil".   Crippled by their own compassion, they couldn’t organize a three car funeral, much less fire one of the drivers.

The number of delicious nuggets of Liberal Ineptitude detailed in the article delighted me like a mug of bourbon before bedtime. 

Some Stereotypes Exist For A Reason:  "The center’s 21 board members look pretty much like you’d expect the board members of an organization called the Peace and Justice Center to look like: long gray beards, dreadlocks, flower-print dresses, earth-toned suits and of course sandals with dark socks. One board member wore a hood ornament-sized peace symbol from a long cord around his neck.

You Are Still Fired:  "In textbook lefty fashion, Hussein responds this way: “I think he is a product of the history of our country and of the terrible things that have happened in the last 59 or 60 years of his life that he has had to go through.”

Then What The Hell Are You?  “I was called a Southern white liberal,” says Chris Lugo, who ran for the U.S. Senate on the Green Party ticket this fall. “I’m not from the South, and I’m not a liberal.” Lugo says that his feelings were hurt by the message.

Reparations At Last!  Although Ervin’s termination—with 60 days of severance pay, twice that required by law—was a foregone conclusion at the start of the meeting, practically all of the pigment-deficient liberals who rose to praise or bury Ervin began their statements with proclamations such as, “I know that as a white person, I have my own biases, no matter how hard I try to control them…” or “I can’t possibly understand what people of color experience but….” Also remarkable, and very much in the spirit of the NPJC’s mission, was the eschewing of traditional rules of order that would have cut both the meeting’s length and acrimony in half.

See Three Car Funeral Reference Above:  Elizabeth Barger, a self-described aging hippy and current interim chair of the board, quieted those who wanted to end the discussion and just get on with a vote. “Every voice will be heard,” she said. “I don’t want to go with Roberts Rules [of Order]. I feel that Roberts Rules is game-playing.”

They Aren’t The Only Ones Laughing.  She then invoked the doubly terrifying specters of Karl Rove and Phil Valentine. “If [they] could look in on us, they’d be grinning from ear to ear,” she said.

Damn, that was good to the last drop.

Combine that with Liz Garrigan, Lindsay Ferrier and Randy Horick and company bringing the A material throughout the paper, and you have a damn fine issue of the Scene.

About damn time. 



3 Responses to “All Is Forgiven”

  1. Exador Says:

    That article is comedy gold.

  2. Mack Says:

    Lugo is not a Liberal?

  3. Kate O' Says:

    Wow, that sounds like so many other progressive groups I’ve been involved with over the years. I guess I’ll never be a "real" progressive because I think consensus-based decision-making is overrated.

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