Unwanted Endorsements

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C. Wage has already tipped his hand to his voting record. In what some may call an homage, and others a direct rip-off, here are my endorsements for next Tuesday’s election.

Governor: Is there even the slightest possibility that Dollar Phil Bredesen will lose? Even hard-core conservatives, like Mrs. Sarcastro’s father, have cast their votes with the incumbent. Memo to J. Bryson: If you can’t get the Religious-Right Rutherford County Republicans, you are doomed. As far as the third party candidates go, they run the gamut from slightly deranged to bull-goose loony.

I like Marivuana Leinoff’s opposition to the drug war, but am turned off by just about everything else about her hippy throwback persona and disjointed personal narrative.

As for David “None of the Above” Gatchell, that sure is a witty idea. Byron Looper called and wants his gimmick back. The only thing dumber than him running would be him winning. Gatchell’s platform apparently is based on how much time and money he can waste by calling for new elections after winning.

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Howard Switzer seems to be in the pocket of the powerful Straw Bale Building Materials Lobby. A vote for Switzer means the wolves win.

The five hundred years too late, anti-immigration candidate Carl “Two Feathers” Whitaker seems to be about as much of a real Indian as Ward Churchill, Forrest Carter, and the owners of certain casinos.

My vote goes to Write-In candidate Rex L. Camino.

Constitutional Amendment #1: No. I make it a point not to care what other people do with their lives, as long as it doesn’t affect me. The gays getting married, though I believe inadvisable, isn’t my business. If your answer in this debate is to amend the state constitution to prevent the possibility of such a union, you should think about what that means. Rather than limiting the power of government over our lives, you are expanding it. What could be more Communist than that?

Constitutional Amendment #2: No. Tell you what, Granny. You don’t have to pay any more property taxes the day I don’t have to pay anymore Social Security and Medicare taxes. Deal?

United States Senate: Both of the major candidates make me wish for a Zombie Apocalypse. The independent candidates are the usual assortment of Jesus nuts, crypto-Nazis and damn, dirty hippies. On the issues, there isn’t a dime’s worth of difference between Ford and Corker. Whenever that happens, they have no choice but to get personal. Hence the mudslinging and the idiotic counterclaims between the supporters of each candidates. My problems with Ford are that he has never worked a day in his life outside of politics. Not one. Never earned a paycheck that wasn’t made from tax dollars. Never gone on a job interview. Never worried about how he was going to cover payroll that week. Or lost sleep trying to figure out how to afford Worker’s Comp insurance. Or had to deal with the entrenched civil service bureaucracy in getting a building permit. For that reason, and that reason alone, I’m voting for Corker.

Then I’ll take a shower.

House of Reprentatives 5th Congressional District: Jim Cooper is part of the problem in Congress. His Republican challenger is a John Birchy nut-job to put it delicately. Ginny Welsch may not be crazy, but has the added disadvantage of being completely and utterly wrong. That leaves Scott Knapp. His letter to the City Paper in 2004 was brave and foolhardy. Oddly enough, I agree with every word.

Tennessee Senate 21st District: How could it be anyone but Bob Krumm? He’s a good man who has a spiffy new campaign ad running on MSNBC right now. Besides, unlike his opponent, he didn’t ride a dinosaur to school. To be fair, the distinguished Civil War veteran and member of the legislature for over FIFTY YEARS, Senator Henry wasn’t around to ride dinosaurs. But, he did watch the last one die. Ok, that isn’t true either. Let’s just say he shouldn’t buy any green bananas, and leave it at that.

Tennessee House 55th District: The guy running as a Democrat is running unopposed. Good job, GOP. You can allegedly engineer two of the most outrageous electoral frauds in history, rig up a fake terrorist attack as a false pretext to war by employing the greatest conspiracy this side of the Easter Heist known to man and manipulate the price of oil on the open market, but can’t find a mouth-breathing dupe to run in my district? Way to lull the Dems into a false sense of security. I’m writing my own name in. Only because Rex L. Camino lives in another district. I don’t know anything about Gary Odom. He’s an incumbent. That’s reason enough not to vote for him.

Metro Charter Amendment No. 1: No, that sounds like a prescription for disaster. Having our elected representative live in fear of raising property taxes is a good enough control measure.

Metro Charter Amendment No. 2: Yes, have your meetings open to the public. Don’t we have a Sunshine Law that covers this? I guess not.

Metro Charter Amendment No. 3: Undecided. Do we need to spend more money to have our very own Metro GAO? Will there be any teeth to their findings? Or will they be auditors in name only?

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Metro Charter Amendment No. 4: Yes. Term limits on the mayor. You betcha. In an alternate universe, three-term Nashville mayor Ludye Wallace gnashes his teeth at such a development.

Metro Charter Amendment No. 5: No. How is this going to work? Leave the budget schedule as is.

Metro Charter Amendment No. 6: Yes. This should be a no brainer. You have to live in Nashville to serve on Government Boards and Commissions. Again, I’m shocked to find this wasn’t already in the Charter.

Don’t forget to Vote next week.

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9 Responses to “Unwanted Endorsements”

  1. Rex L. Camino Says:

    Gracias. I just marked your name off the non-believers list.

  2. Jeffraham Prestonian Says:

    I know better than to ask a contrarian-for-contrary’s-sake this, but really… <a href="http://brittney.typepad.com/sparkwood_21/2006/10/1st_and_2nd_bes.html#comments">WTF are you talking about?</a>.

  3. Tom Kovach Says:

    I prefer facts to emotional trigger words.You claim to want a conservative candidate. But, you poke at me with an emotional phrase such as "John Birchy nut-job".Could you define that?The John Birch Society has been sued over 40 times, and has never lost. The Left finally gave up, because they could not disprove one fact of the things written by JBS publications. I’m not a member, but I agree with their goals and research.Now for the other half of your epithet: "nut job". That borders on a libel issue. But, for the record, my military duties required me to undergo routine psychological screenings. (It’s a good idea to have sane people protecting — and designing the security for — high-value resources and the President of the United States.) So, if you have some evidence of me being a "nut job", I’d sure like to read it.Using such phrases, with no facts to back them up, damages your credibility.By the way, regarding your endorsement of Scott Knapp, I was at the Soapbox Picnic at Vanderbilt in 2004 when Scott Knapp said, "The emissions from tractor-trailers, if left unchecked, will become a worse problem that terrorism." Is that the type of candidate that you endorse?You have my permission to post this, without editing. I look forward to your reply.

  4. Aunt B. Says:

    Because nothing says "I’m not a nut" like throwing around the term "slander" and accusing someone ON THE INTERNET of being too emotional and having damaged credibility.Perhaps you’ve never been to the internet before?

  5. Katherine Coble Says:

    Mr. Kovach, If you agree with the aims of the JBS, why are you then not a member? Could it be, perhaps, that you are fully aware of the stigma associated with Birchism?You straddle the fence. Either you embrace Birchism or you don’t. Your inability to be a member whilst loving (and defending) the organisation smacks of political expediency. Reason #1 for me to not vote for you.As for "nut job"–it’s not a legal term. You may be as clinically sane as possible and still be a "nut job" in the common parlance. Nut jobs are people who are a bit on the whacky side. A bit eccentric. Frankly, when you enter a comment on someone’s website and say something like "you have my permission to post this", you look like a nut job. Objectively speaking.You also look like a nutjob for admitting that you went to some Soap Box thing at Vanderbilt and remembering some nutjob’s nutjobby position from two years ago. You also look like a nut job for dressing up like Garth Brooks for Halloween and using that as your official picture.You also look like a nut job for being so far right that the locksteppers at TeamGOP refuse to endorse you. Dude, that’s freaky bad.http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/kovach/060920

  6. Sarcastro Says:

    I prefer facts, too. Look up the case of Gertz v. Robert Welch, Inc. Not only did the case affirm that opinions can’t be considered libel, it also found for the plaintiff. The defendant being the legal name for The John Birch Society.So far, you are 0-2 when it comes to a command of the facts.The Birchers also believed that Eisenhower was a stooge of the International Communist Conspiracy. Is that one of the points of research that you agree with?As far as the Knapp quote, the only place I have seen it is on your website. Do you have any independent sources to verify that?Feel free to continue to comment here, Tom. Although your concern about your comments being edited betrays a certain level of paranoia. Did your many psychological evaluations pick up on any tendency towards paranoia?Now when you lose next week, will you blame it on an evil cabal of far-left bloggers, the Illuminati, the Freemasons, the Council on Foreign Relations and the Protocols of the Elders of Zion?The voters await your answers.

  7. Paul Kia'i Modde Says:

    Didnt realize there was a Straw Bale lobby happening. Who are the players anyone know.If so please email me.

  8. Paul Kia'i Modde Says:

    Didnt realize there was a Straw Bale lobby happening. Who are the players anyone know.If so please email me.

  9. Paul Kia'i Modde Says:

    Didnt realize there was a Straw Bale lobby happening. Who are the players anyone know.If so please email me.

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