Sarcastro 6, Army of Vermin 0

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License to kill [mice] by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill [mice] at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit – ever. They’re like the Viet-Cong…Varmint-Cong. So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that’s all she wrote.

I have to recommend the glue traps as the way to go when ridding one’s abode and out-buildings of the varmint mouse. We were able to keep the the Castle Keep free of rodents by laying glue traps all around the egress points in the shed. There is a certain amount of joy one gets when watching the terror in their little faces while they are stuck fast to the glue. The traditional mouse trap cheats the homeowner of the opportunity to gloat at the still living mouse.

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Spread your Hanta Virus elsewhere, disease-ridden vermin! Your days of living off the bountiful plenty of the shed are over.

When you get to Mouse Hell, tell your dark overlord I will continue to keep sending him fresh souls. If there are any more of your ilk hanging around, they will share your fate.

And take that cricket with you.

All I needed to know about the efficacy of the glue trap, was the fact that these assholes urge the public not to use them.

These damn mice reproduce every 30 days or so. A female may produce up to 56 offspring annually. Keeping their numbers down will keep them from overbreeding and expanding into the crawlspace of my damn house. They cannot be allowed to reproduce unchecked.

The results would be catastrophic…

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19 Responses to “Sarcastro 6, Army of Vermin 0”

  1. Aunt B. Says:

    Aw. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you bonding with your TV dad.

  2. Exador Says:

    Sweet Jesus, what is up with that Duggar family? Somebody slip some birth control pills in that woman’s communion wafer.

  3. Sarcastro Says:

    Watching the various Duggar family programs on Discovery/TLC is my most secret guilty pleasure.It is a fascinating look inside the mindset of the Southern fundamentalist christian types. Like a horrible accident on the interstate, I can’t look away.

  4. Mack Says:

    From "the asshole’s website": The problem of rodent intrusion is largely preventable by maintaining clean, sanitary conditions and plugging holes or cracks where mice or rats might enter a building.sounds familiar…just sayin

  5. Sarcastro Says:

    That’s right Mack, blame the victim.Perhaps it is analogous to our current immigration debate?If we plug the leaks and cracks in our borders and eliminate the attractors of illegal immigration, we would soon solve the problem with illegal aliens. Way to think outside the box, Mack!

  6. Mack Says:

    Nice try, my murdering little friend. Let’s say that (though I am poathe to use any analogy wherein people are equated with rodents, but it’s your website…) ok, let’s then say that these meese, while in your shed, sharpened your tools, fed and watered your garden, cared for your pets in your absence, pulled your weeds, and hell, cooked and served your dinner, since there are not enough critters in your shed willing to do that. And how lucky you are! You got these mices already growed up, in prime working age, without having to have had sunk a nickle into their education or training. Turn-key workforce. I suppose that’s enough for you to ahem, chew on, at least for now…

  7. SistaSmiff Says:

    Are those the for real, Sarcastric Meese??? I want nothing more than to grab hold of the Duggar Mama and get some scissors to that hideous hair of hers.

  8. Sarcastro Says:

    Mack, in that case I welcome our new mouse neighbors! Ironically, my neighbors on the shed side are an extended family of Mexican immigrants. With the exception of the young adults playing Mexican rap/tejano at excessive volumes from their vehicles, they are fine folks.If only I could get them to pull the weeds…Sista, those are two of the members of the insurgent movement in the shed.I call them Jim Bob and Michelle.

  9. SistaSmiff Says:

    Those are some good size meese. They must’ve been living the good life in the Sarcastro Shed. Jim Bob and Michelle and all them youngins with names that start with J…just like the dad.

  10. Exador Says:

    Ya know those mice would do Rose’s job for far less pay, and they don’t bitch about the conditions.

  11. jagosaurus Says:

    You could easily solve the mice problem with the installation of a large pet snake in the shed.* A friend got rid of a fat and happy (and mostly harmless) black snake and almost instantly had a mouse infestation. I told her to simply surrender the tool shed to the snake** and be done with it but she couldn’t. Stupid ophidiophobia.*That is NOT a euphemism for something sexual, by the way.**Neither is that.

  12. Mack Says:

    Ok, right. Jag, surrender the toolshed to the snake just found it’s way into my verbal foreplay. LOL!

  13. Exador Says:

    "I’ve got a hell of big snake in my toolshed"The jokes write themselves.

  14. Jagosaurus Says:

    What can I say? I’m always thinking. Of dirty things.

  15. jag Says:

    As if I wasn’t already freaked by the mice in our pantry, I just met someone who survived the Hanta Virus. I’d never even heard of that until he told me about it. I won’t even tell you the grossness of the symptoms. Because it’s disgusting as all get out.

  16. Jim Boyd Says:

    So… How did you finally dispatch the meesis?

  17. Sarcastro Says:

    There are a couple of them that have proved to be too smart for the glue traps.We may have to move the sinister sounding "Phase Two". That involves removing them through poisoning their food supply.Although, I’m digging the snake idea.

  18. Jim Boyd Says:

    Sarcastro,This story is not over… what did (do) you do with the captured enemy meesis? What is your preferred method of dispatchment??Jim

  19. Sarcastro Says:

    They go into the trash after being neutralized.

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