Bobbie’s Snow Job

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In what can only be characterized as dimwittery masquerading as enriching the lives of children, I took the boys to Bobbie’s Dairy Dip for lunch.  The cognoscenti in this town absolutely rave about the place as being a mahhhvelously kitschy throwback with excellent frozen comestibles.  You know, an ostensibly blue collar hang-out on a blue collar street, with just enough faux run-down charm to enchant the nearby residents in their $400,000 neighborhood.

The foreshadowing of this tale takes place near the beginning.  Like all good foreshadowing, in fact, does.  If it showed up any later, the ending would just feel tacked-on.  I started to explain to the boys about BDD and the frozen goodiness therein, they blurted out, "Mickey D’s!  They have hamburgers and ice cream.  We love Mickey D’s!" 

Like the poor sap who just got his first NPR totebag after a $100 pledge, I was too full of moral superiority to entertain the idea of going to the foul and wretched McDonald’s.   You’ll have Dairy Dip and like it!  Don’t you boys read Kay West?

For the sake of brevity, I’ll skip over the ordering ordeal.   The proverbial bottom line was that a chicken sandwich, two hamburgers with fries and drinks ran $24.  That’s American dollars, not pesos.  Bobbie can go dairy dip that in her ass.  For that kind of money, a family of four can have a big Saturday night out at the Cookeville Golden Corral.

The food was passable.  The kids hated the seeds on the bun.  The kids hated the fries.  The kids hated the ugly lime green color of the picnic table.  In an attempt to salvage the experience, we attempted some ice cream.  The kids got a small chocolate cone and a small chocolate cup.  Or as the kids referred to it after tasting it, but before throwing the whole thing in the trash, "Ewww, brown vanilla."  It was semi-choco colored with no choco taste.  I ordered the raspberry sundae.  I got the strawberry sundae.  That too, went in the trash as the stoners behind the counter couldn’t have fixed either the sundae or the chocolate ice cream in a timely manner.  On the upside, that part of the meal was only seven dollars.

Over thirty dollars blown at the Dairy Dip, with nothing much to show for it.  Do you see where I’m going with this?  Say it with me now, the kids sure did:

"We might as well have gone to goddamn McDonald’s!"

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9 Responses to “Bobbie’s Snow Job”

  1. Lesley Says:

    Seriously, Sar, come ON. One mustn’t push the delicacies of the Dip on an unsophisticated palate that’s accustomed to the blandness of today’s over-processed fast food. They must be eased into it like a comfy chair or a pair of Crocs.I can’t believe you’d dis the Dip.

  2. Sarcastro Says:

    Don’t get me started on the goddamn Crocs.They are possibly the stupidest kid fad going.

  3. Mr.Nasty Says:

    Ya dis the "Dip",McFats,and then a backhanded shot at the Golden Corral? Pilgrim you live dangerous.Every fast food cowboy worth their grease will be gunnin’ for yo’ ass.Man your food is gonna be nasty.Enjoy!

  4. Lesley Says:

    Er, Crocs aren’t just for kids. I wear them and the boyfriend has three pairs. Crocs are the best invention of the decade! So comfy and cushy…Incidentally, I haven’t been to a McDonald’s since 1993. That was the year I did my undergrad internship at Back Yard Burgers’ corporate headquarters. I found out what other restaurants put in their "all-beef patties." It’s beef all right, but not from a part of the cow you’d generally consider eating (if you eat cow). BYB uses a higher quality of beef than the other fast food junts. If you’re going to eat cows (which I don’t), BYB cows are the ones to eat.

  5. Mac Says:

    I don’t care what parts of the cow they grind up to make my burgers, all I care about is how good it tastes. Tastes like victory. Tastes like America USED to.

  6. john h Says:

    Hey – next you’re going to say that the Parthenon’s not real…you iconoclausto.I still swear by their burgers..esp. the guac or blue cheese variety.

  7. Sarcastro Says:

    Lesley, I just don’t get the Crocs. I don’t see how they could be comfortable and I don’t understand the appeal.They are plastic gardening shoes. When I found out children wore them to school and weren’t brutally teased, I was floored. Of course, the Members Only jacket was the pinnacle of fashion when I was the same age, so it is all a matter of perspective.John, every year I dress up as Icono Claus and tell children that Santa is really their parents and that Jesus was a fraud. This year, I’ll add that the Parthenon is made of balsa wood, paper mache and toothpicks. Just to, you know, keep it fresh.

  8. Les Jones Says:

    Don’t be dissin’ tote bags. If people aren’t encouraged to tote then the vanishing art of toting could be lost forever.

  9. Claire Mullally Says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your bad experience at Bobbie’s. I’ve owned the joint for 7 years and really do lose sleep when I hear a complaint. We adore our customers who, like you, are often there with their children, just looking to have good food and ice cream at a fun and different place. To hear that you had so much go wrong during your visit just kills me. First of all, a chicken sandwich and two hamburger "combos"(that’s 2 hamburgers with 2 small fries and a large soda) should have cost a total of $19.50 including the whopping 9.25% sales tax. If you were overcharged, I am horrified and embarrased, but I do wish you would have said something, as the staff is instructed to always double check an order if it is questioned by a customer. Our prices are obviously higher than other chain fast food places. We take pride in serving fresh food cooked to order, using fresh certified angus beef and real cheddar for the burgers and peeling and cooking over 50 lbs. of potatoes a day for our fries. It simply costs more to provide that type of quality and I’m sorry that you thought the food only "passable". We do have a limited kids menu with either a hot dog, corn dog or turkey dog, fries and a small drink or cone for $4.00. It’s on the menu, but perhaps your children are like my son….he would never order from the kid’s menu on the principle that it assumed he only liked mac & cheese and chicken tenders and small portions at that. I inadvertently raised a food snob.Second and even more horrifying to me, is that your impression of your server was that he/she was a stoner. While I can’t honestly say that my every hire has been terrific, I nevertheless am kind of proud that I have managed to find some really nice, intelligent kids who "get" what we’re trying to do at Bobbie’s and who enjoy what we do there and our customers. There are always a few that don’t quite get it; they either don’t last very long or manage to actually learn and sometimes turn out to be some of my better staff members. Certainly if I thought that anyone on my staff was high at work, they would be terminated immediately. I usually hear raves about how nice my staff is, so I would certainly appreciate hearing some more details (a description of the person or the date and time you were there) so that I can address the situation. And the fact that this same person confused your raspberry shake order for a strawberry shake is infuriating to me….although I like both shakes, the raspberry is pretty special.Finally.. …..nothing makes me sadder than to hear that someone didn’t like our ice cream. I could write a book about about the machinations we go through to keep our ice cream of a consistently high quality. I am just so sorry that your kids didn’t like it. Recently we have tried a special recipe where we add high butter-fat cream to the lower butterfat fresh Purity product to increase richness. This is after years of importing a high butterfat, absolutely delicious ice cream from a New Jersey supplier, since we could find nothing comparable from any local suppliers. We had to order a week in advance, accept an 80 case minimum which we would then have to take to a frozen storage facility in Smyrna and drive there a few times a week (and only open during M-Fri business hours) to pull fresh product. It became an impossible undertaking. I have been trying alternate suppliers, product, recipes, etc. ever since in order to find product equal in quality to that which we were getting from New Jersey without the associated nervous breakdowns occasioned by late deliveries, inaccessible product on the weekends, and being stuck in traffic on I24 heading back from Smyrna in 90 degree heat. Interestingly, while I’m generally happy with what we have now, I, too, am not 100% sold on the chocolate flavor from Purity; perhaps your children have an exceptionally good palate, but I have literally heard no other complaints and I do specifically ask customers about this.I haven’t had time to read the rest of your site and I don’t believe I know you personally…..so I will leave your name (after tonight) at the store with instructions that you and your children are to receive 3 Combo meals (sandwich, fries and shakes or sodas) and three desserts of choice. I can only hope that your second experience will be a better one. We really do try to make everyone’s experience at Bobbie’s fun and special; if we fail, we will try to make it up to you.Please accept my personal apology and appreciation for the heads-up.Best,Claire MullallyPropietorBobbie’s Dairy DipNashville, TN.

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