Bring Me The Head Of Pete Rose


The trip to Cincy for the baseball game left me with one indelible thought.  Kentucky still serves as a buffer state between North and South.  Once you cross the Ohio River, all bets are off.  People drink Pepsi instead of Coke.  Bob Evans has interstate hegemony over Cracker Barrel.  Strange foods are celebrated in festivals.  Foods that normal people have never heard of.  You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a chain-operated chili restaurant.  It’s a madhouse!  A MADHOUSE!  What sort of culture could condone this behavior as evidenced by this chili parlor’s signage?










The last Major League game I attended was in the old Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium.   I was pleasantly surprised by the architectural improvements in baseball venues over the last forty years compared to the cookie-cutter multipurpose sporting facilities of the Sixties and Seventies.

Here’s the view of Cincinnati’s Great American Park from my $12.00 seat

ga field.jpg Not bad, for the price.  You get a beautiful view of the Ohio River that the poorly designed Riverfront Stadium denied the paying public. 

The game itself was outstanding, except for Atlanta’s starting pitcher, who after the first three innings, found himself with a one-way ticket to Richmond and the minors.

A controversial decision to leave the game in the crucial 8th inning with the score tied 6-6 was not supported by life-long Reds fan, Sugar Momma.  So we missed Phillips’ dramatic home-run and Griffey’s run scoring double which sealed the Braves’ fate.  She was not pleased by our desire to get on the road at the cost of missing the decisive inning.

It wasn’t that we weren’t having fun, we were.

chris reds.jpg











It was a beautiful day for baseball.  Not a cloud in the sky to threaten the goings-on. 

The humidity was down and a fourteen mile-an-hour wind provided a swell breeze.

david reds.jpg 



The boys were getting their fill of worthless souvenirs and over-priced concession stand food.   I couldn’t bring myself to eat a ballpark bratwurst or a bowl of the dubious local chili.  As Ron White says regarding Cincinnati’s overblown self-applied Chili Greatness,  "I don’t even think y’all told the Mexican boys you were having a contest."

We had the pizza instead, and it was damn good.  

No, the main reason we had to leave was my affinity for the Braves combined with my Caledonian heritage.  We had to leave that ball game  thanks to the sun.  For the sun is like poison to my people. What made it worse is, I was turning into a Red.

sunburn boy.jpg 





10 Responses to “Bring Me The Head Of Pete Rose”

  1. Aunt B. Says:

    Ouch! Have you never heard of this thing called "sun screen"?

  2. Sarcastro Says:

    Our sunscreen was confiscated by the Ohio authorities as we crossed the Roebling Bridge. Apparently, the Union has made it illegal as part of their Southern Sympathisers Pogrom.

  3. Kevin Barbieux Says:

    You do favor an unhappy Johnny Bench.

  4. Exador Says:

    If you were a local, you would know to slip a $20 to the local sunscreen union rep, thereby, making you ‘legal’.

  5. Tutularue Says:

    That’s right, blame the damned yankees, or midwesterners, or whatever they are. Are you allergic to sunscreen? I’ve preached the benefits of this invention for 40 years, and yet you ignore my sage wisdom, as you do on every other topic. Love you anyway. xx BioMama

  6. Saraclark Says:

    That state(Ohio)is dead to me. No sweet tea, strange foods and rude natives. Of course in a final ironic twist my brother in law is from there and is always inviting me to visit his family in Cincinatti.

  7. newscoma Says:

    It’s not the sun that’s so weird but the freaked out eyes that are sort of scary there, Sarcastro, if you can sneak in a flask (don’t know if you did) you can sneak in some Banana Boat.Unless you got frisked. Then all bets are off. Rent-a-cops at stadiums are creepy.

  8. Chez Bez Says:

    Have you at least tried the Skyline Chili? It alone is reason enough for a trip to Cincy. I have done just that in the past.Go Reds! And welcome home to you.

  9. CeeElCee Says:

    This is a state that is proud of the fact that they serve pig brain sandwiches.Even WE leave the brains alone…"Aloe, I love you. Won’t you tell me your name?"

  10. Tara Says:

    You’ll never learn will you…glad you guys had a great time.

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