One For The Ladies


According to Aunt B, she’s gotten three complaints about me from various women this week.  I can figure out who two of them are.  But the third one is puzzling me.  Mom, I’ve told you to stop talking to Aunt B.  Nothing good can come from it.

If you people want to be pissy about insensitive and offensive humor, I’m your huckleberry.  Let’s get some panties in a wad.  Bring your Psych 101 informed opinions.  I can’t wait.

So, here’s a grand gesture of craptacular assholishness and blundering numbskullery I like to call,
Offensive Jokes About Women!

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.

Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive?
She was a woman.

What should you do if you find a woman lying in a ditch at the side of the road?
Ask her why she left the kitchen.

Why don’t women need watches?
There’s a clock on the stove.

What’s the difference between rape and a pap smear?
Women don’t like getting a pap smear.

What is the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered woman’s shelter?
The dishes if she knows what’s good for her.

and my two personal favorites… 

What’s brown and hides in the attic?
The Diarrhea Of Anne Frank.

What has four legs and one arm?
A pit bull in a playground!


11 Responses to “One For The Ladies”

  1. newscoma Says:

    My eyes are bleeding. (I wasn’t one of those women who complained but your jokes have rendered me sterile.)This is a good thing.

  2. jagosaurus Says:

    God help me but I love the Helen Keller joke. I understand that admitting this has triggered the circulation of a petition to have my uterus reposessed, but I don’t care.

  3. newscoma Says:

    I keep trying to sell mine on EBay but there doesn’t seem to be a market, Jagosaurus.

  4. Sarcastro's Sugar Momma Says:

    What did a pit bull ever do to you?

  5. jagosaurus Says:

    Well hell.

  6. jag Says:

    "Women don’t like getting a pap smear".He he. Officially I’m offended, but off the record, that’s pretty funny.

  7. Sarcastro Says:

    As a testament to my cowardice, I left off all the truly offensive jokes. These were the most tasteful ones I could come up with.

  8. Exador Says:

    Why do women have small feet?So they can stand closer to the stove.

  9. Nashville Knucklehead Says:

    How do you make a woman have an orgasm?Who cares.

  10. Les Jones Says:

    Q. Why don’t women fart as much as men?A. They don’t close their mouths long enough for the pressure to build up.

  11. Kate O' Says:

    Sorry it took me so long to respond; I was busy in the kitchen.

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