Get Out of The Van

by

Apparently, there is an election this year.  I’m not sure, but Kleinheider may know something about this.  Frankly, I’m not that interested.  The horserace doesn’t hold that much allure for me anymore.  Except, you know, for the gambling part.

Unfortunately, I ran across this Van Hilleary site today.  Van has the reputation of, well, not being the sharpest tool in the shed.  Yes, I used the word tool on purpose.  Apparently, his fan club comes from the same stock.  Something about dumb, like water, seeking its own level. 

Never mind the leaps in logic on the site that you would need Evel Knievel’s Sky Cycle to make.  The big problem is this post.  Beale Street Meets Burboun Street.  Here’s the deal Vaniacs, or whatever you call yourselves, I don’t care about your inability to determine the difference between "there", their" and "they’re".  That’s a common mistake that people make all the time.  It is your mispelling of a distilled spirit that not only is uniquely American, but holds an important place in our history.  Compounding this, is your slur against the New Orleans thoroughfare that shares its name.  Those of us who appreciate fine American whiskey (and a filthy street to drink it on) spell it Bourbon.   

I’d tell you how to help your empty suit of a candidate, but you would just screw that up as well.  So keep doing what you are doing and maybe we will get a decent Senate candidate, and Van can go back to work for Daddy.

When he loses, I’ll send you a nice bottle of Woodford Reserve.   If he wins, I’ll need it for myself.

 

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27 Responses to “Get Out of The Van”

  1. Charles Badger Says:

    This is a rather pointless show of snobbery and elitism.

  2. Alex Says:

    Bourbon street is named not for the liquor but for the royal family of France.

  3. Sarcastro Says:

    Bwahaha! So let me see if I have this correct. Being able to spell a simple two-syllable word correctly is a pointless show of snobbery and elitism?Shouldn’t a conservative value a good education? I guess Hilleary and his stooges aren’t interested in making English the official language of our country.

  4. Sarcastro Says:

    Alex,The liquor is named for the county in Kentucky, which is named for the French Royal family. So they share the same root origin.

  5. Charles Badger Says:

    Spelling a two-syllable word is not a pointless show of snobbery, your name calling is. Even in your response to my comment you referenced "Hilleary and his stooges." Aside from the fact that this <i>ad hominem</i> is one of the lowest forms of debate, it is personally offensive to those of us who are Hilleary supporters. You may disagree with our candidate but resorting to calling his supporters "stooges." That is inexcusable.Then, there is your actual post in which you referred to Van as not "the sharpest tool in the shed."Then, there was this gem:<i>"Something about dumb, like water, seeking its own level."</i>and calling our candidate "an empty suit" and "I’d tell you how to help him…but you’d probably screw that up too."You called Van a less than "decent" Senate candidate and wrote, "Van can go back to work for Daddy."<b>That, sir, is a gloriously repugnant display of elitism and snobbery. But to put it more diplomatically, these are lowly bottom feeding attacks.</b>

  6. Aunt B. Says:

    Wait, wait, wait! Charles Badger, are you a real person? Because I really want to spend the rest of the week calling Sarcastro a "gloriously repugnant display of elitism and snobbery" and if it turns out that you’re that Peptodismal guy writing under a pseudonym, some of the fun is going to be gone for me.

  7. Sarcastro Says:

    Chuck, I call ’em like I see ’em. Let me school you on a few things.stooge (stūj) pronunciationn. One who allows oneself to be used for another’s profit or advantage; a puppet.Sometimes the truth is offensive that way. If you aren’t being used for Hilleary’s profit or advantage, you sure are doing a good job of faking it.As far as ad hominem,do you mean like, "If you liked Don, You’ll love Bob!"?The thing about using an ad hominem insult is that it can also be factual.Nashville Scene,Aug 29,2002"Trained as a lawyer, Hilleary’s two main civilian activities before going to Congress have consisted of working for his daddy and running for offices. While neither of these are trivial accomplishments, they don’t point to an ability to manage state government in such a way that new efficiencies are achieved. Everyone knows you never put a lawyer—especially a crummy one—in charge when you want to get something done."Nashville Scene, May 23,2002“The cure for admiring Republican gubernatorial hopeful Van Hilleary is to listen to what he says,” a devastating editorial in East Tennessee’s Kingsport Times-News read last week. It went on to chide the 4th District congressman for his remarkably obtuse comment to a Blountville group last week that he was “sick and tired of hearing about the budget, the budget, the budget.”About that Hillearyism, the paper wrote: “Given that the state is in a budget crisis involving a $450 million deficit this year and nearly $1 billion forecast for next year, Hilleary’s belligerent boredom is not merely selfish, but frightening…. Hilleary’s indifference gives apathy a bad name.” Never mind that the Kingsport Times-News has one hell of an editorial writer. Ouch! It doesn’t get much worse for a politician."Republicans would do well to reject Mr. Hilleary’s pandering and deceptive stand on Tennessee’s fiscal situation, and to inspect Mr. Henry’s positions and record,” the Chattanooga Times Free Press recently editorialized, characterizing Hilleary’s TennCare enrollment-cutting solution as “a grossly inadequate fix for the state’s clear and present deficit.”“According to a former House leadership aide who insists on anonymity, when Hilleary entered Congress he was like a puppy,” Knoxville’s alernative weekly Metro Pulse recently recounted. The story went on to quote the former aide. “Golly, I can’t believe I’m here,” the former aide recalls Hilleary saying. The story also noted that, among GOP veterans, Hilleary’s chief of staff was privately referred to as “The Congressman,” while Hilleary’s nickname was “Gomer.”Would you like me to find more, Chuck?Oh, and say "hi" to Gomer for me.

  8. Rachel Says:

    Sorry, the only thing I remember about this post is "Woodford Reserve." Mmmmm. Oh, being able to spell is nice, too…

  9. john h Says:

    I would sign up for the elite corps of impudent spellers, but I have too many misspellings in my past. Hell, I’m not even sure how to spell ‘misspelling’.Mostly I’d just like to paraphrase a Marxian adage:When preparing to enter a battle of wits against Sarcastro, it is best not to arrive half-armed…

  10. NAshville Knucklehead Says:

    Have you heard that duet Van Hillary did with Ray Charles, doing his song "Crazy Love?" Best thing he’s done since "Domino."Knob Creek is better.

  11. Sarcastro Says:

    I thought Van Hilleary started to go downhill after David Lee Roth left the band.Knob Creek is good stuff. The acid test, however, for bourbon drinkers is Booker’s.

  12. Nashville Knucklehead Says:

    I’ve heard of the Booker’s of which you speak. The $50 price tag scares me off, not so much that I’m cheap, it’s just that I drink so much it isn’t cost effective. I suppose I could start with a glass of Booker’s and finish with a fifth of Old Crow.Bourbon and acid at the same time?Party on, dude!

  13. Sarcastro Says:

    More than three shots of Booker’s and you may not need the acid.It has a natural proof between 121 and 127.But, the acid wouldn’t hurt…

  14. Lee Says:

    I will have to second Knuck on the Knob Creek. Though Maker’s has always held a special place in my heart.

  15. Sarcastro Says:

    I’ve been known to purchase Kentucky Tavern and Stillbrook. There is no bad bourbon. There’s what you drink straight and there’s what you mix with coke. And never the twain shall meet.

  16. saraclark Says:

    House brand for us currently is Basil Hayden’s with Knob Creek in reserve. Booker’s was better years ago when it was still truly small batch and each bottling was different.Dark Chocolate Bourbon Cake with Bourbon soaking glaze is all the mixing I will do.

  17. Heather Says:

    Sara, would you share the recipe? I’m drooling here.

  18. saraclark Says:

    Recipe posting is at the discretion of Sarcastro. I don’t want to get the manly discussion of Small Batch libations all girlied up.Best Breakfast in the world though, especially with a little spiked up coffee.

  19. Sarcastro Says:

    Bring it, saraclark.Women, food and bourbon. What is there to object to?

  20. saraclark Says:

    Alrighty then! Personally I substitute "women" in that equation to "hot men in skirts" but that’s just me.I have to look up the recipe in my secret book at home, just to make sure that I am accurate and then it will be forthcoming soon.

  21. Aunt B. Says:

    In a related note, Sarcastro owns a kilt.

  22. Sarcastro Says:

    Some day, I’ll get drunk and wear it to a blog event.

  23. Katherine Coble Says:

    Why do you own a kilt?

  24. Sarcastro Says:

    Why doesn’t everyone?

  25. saraclark Says:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/lesleys/169722166/in/set-72157594169636685/They had cool "Utilikilts" at Bonnaroo. A kilt is not a "skirt" but it does count in the greater idea of things.Drunk men in kilts are prone to all kinds of adventures.

  26. Lee Says:

    Does a kilt have a fly, or do you have to lift the hem up to pee?

  27. newscoma Says:

    Knob’s Creek, decent.Fighting Cock, deadly

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