Mr. Outdoors


I have just climbed up from the bottom of Fall Creek Falls.  It is beginning to dawn on me that a lifetime of ritual alcohol abuse as well as a lifetime of avoiding hard work, a balanced diet and a workout regimen was not the best overall scheme.  Ahead some sort of marker with a quote by Emerson.  Something about how being out in the woods makes you a better person.    I’m too out of breath to remember it exactly. I want to punch Emerson in the throat.  While I’m in the mood, I’d like to kick Whitman in the teeth and throw Thoreau off the top of the falls.

Emerson never spent a day in the US Army.  You find out a lot about your fellow man when you’ve been out in the woods for a week with them.  You find out who someone really is.  You find out that most people are really shitty when they are dirty, tired, underfed and stressed.  Due to those factors, I like to keep camping trips to a minimum.  

Monday was the perfect day for camping.  Very mild tempatures with some warm sunshine in the afternoon.  In the evenings it dipped just below sixty.  Perfect.   However, in order for The Universe to prove my point.  We found an isolated campsite far from anyone else.  It was in a little alcove with about six sites surrounding us.  No sooner did we get the tent set up than Gramps and the four kids came pulling up towing a pop up camper with six bicycles on the rack.  He picked the site right next to ours.  Six fucking sites to choose from, he wants to snuggle right up with us.  God hates me.  He sends this same jackass to sit either in front or behind me in an empty movie theater.  This is the guy who will ignore all the empty urinals to take a piss right next to you.   The  Younger Son (Sugar Momma’s boy) got to hear all about how people who want to bring everything from home with them camping, should have to stay home.  We slept with the sound of their camper’s heater buzzing us to sleep.

The park itself is huge.  There are plenty of hiking trails we didn’t get a chance to explore.  They have a nice golf course, a lake, as well as rivers and streams.  They have cabins for rent that are very reasonably priced.  Don Sundquist is such a moron.  Why didn’t he just charge admission instead of shutting down these parks during the budget crisis?  I guess if he understood how economics worked, we wouldn’t have been in a budget crisis. 

The lodge at the park has to be one of the ugliest buildings I have ever seen.  It looks like one of those awful civic buildings built in the 1970’s that were influenced by East German architecture.  If you live in a town with a "modern" city hall from about 1979, you know what I’m talking about.   The beautiful surroundings really highlight how ugly man-made structures can be.

See what I mean?
fall creek.jpg










Here’s one of the Younger Son and Rose.

david and rose.jpg 


5 Responses to “Mr. Outdoors”

  1. Exador Says:

    Get a job, hippie!(That may be the jealousy talking)

  2. r.l. camino Says:

    There was a regrettable sequel to King Kong filmed there in the mid eighties by the name of "King Kong Lives".

  3. Sarcastro Says:

    The mid-Nineties version of the Jungle Book had parts filmed there as well. I don’t remember that much about the movie, but it is probably safe to say it was the part with a waterfall.

  4. Rex L. Camino Says:

    I had forgotten about that one. In the mid to late nineties I had nearly my full compliment of hair and wore glasses that resembled the ones worn by Cary Elwes in "The Crush". At least one person a week would tell me that I looked like him. Mrs. Camino’s brother was attending Tennessee Tech at the time and saw Mr. Elwes walking around in Cookeville. He confirmed that I did in fact look like him, except that Cary Elwes looked like he knew where he was going when he walked down the street.

  5. Ryan Says:

    Is Rose chewing on a huge pink shoe horn? Best,Ryan

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