Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey


I’m re-reading Penn Jillette’s novel Sock.  The chapters are short enough that you can finish one on the toilet or right before bed.  This passage jumped out at me, (oddly enough while on the can) with the talking heads of cable news on in the background. 

Maybe you can’t see this. Maybe you have to be a crazy monkey to see this.   There’s some election.  Let’s say it is for president.  And the third-party candidate gets enough percentage points in some poll so that the meat puppets have to deal with her.  This is hypothetical, so let’s make it a woman.  It doesn’t do any harm to be progressive and fair in fiction.  So they say, "Nancy Lord has to convince the electorate that she’s a viable candidate.  She has to show them that she can really win." Who are they talking to?  Who is "they"? Who is the electorate?  That’s us, right? (By "us," I mean "y’all."  They’re not counting sock monkeys.)  So, it’s saying,  "She has to convince you that she has a chance to win with you." Well, if we want her, we vote for her and she wins.  Her "chances" don’t matter.  The media don’t want you to "waste your vote" by voting for a loser.  But you can’t waste your vote voting for a loser you want.  You can waste your vote only by voting for someone you don’t want.  You don’t want the winner.  Don’t waste your vote on someone who’s going to win.  He doesn’t need your vote; he’s going to win.  Keep voting for the lesser of two evils and things will just keep getting more evil.  That’s game theory that even this monkey understands. Who are they talking to?  Meet the new boss same as the old boss.

Keep that in mind come November.  



2 Responses to “Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey”

  1. r.l.camino Says:

    Is this an endorsement of the Camino for Senate campaign?

  2. Sarcastro Says:

    Consider it an unreserved and whole-hearted endorsement.

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