Doin’ a Heckuva Job Bushie


 Gee, Mr. President, I have no idea why your poll numbers are in the toilet.  Let me school you on Presidential Leadership 101.  There are two successful models of leadership style in the Oval Office.  The first is the Inspirational Symbol.  That’s the guy who sets the tone and provides the motivation and optimism, while letting well-qualified and professional subordinates make the decisions and handle the small stuff.  We’ll call that the Reagan model.  The other style is the guy who gets wrapped up in the details, and is involved in many of the important decisions of his underlings.  This guy isn’t as prone to delegation so less stuff gets actually done, but what does get done, usually gets done right.  We will call this the Clinton model.

Which one are you, sir?  Yes, I know you think you fit the Reagan model.  Of course you think that.  You can put your hand down now.  The answer is neither.  Your’s is more a mix of the Nixon/Carter model.   You have the effectiveness of Carter with the Nixonian sense of humor.  See, Gipper and Bubba would have laughed their fool heads off at Stephen Colbert while the cameras were running.  They would have passed a note to an aide saying, "Refer this fucker to the IRS for an colonoscopy."  But, in public they wouldn’t have lost their bonhomie.  Instead, you sat and scowled like Tricky Dick.

That is small potatoes compared with the State of our Union.  How does this new NSA phone snooping lead to a better way to protect the nation?  Is Osama calling the White House and asking if your refrigerator is running?  My man, you are making people who would normally back your play, back up and say "Does this guy know what he is doing?"

We aren’t going to talk about the war for the purposes of this little talk.  It does establish the pattern of Proof of Concept.  Your guys in charge of intelligence said there were WMDs.  Now they don’t know where they done r-u-n-n-o-f-t.  Your guys in charge of the military said we had plenty of troops for current ops in that theater.  We don’t.

Your guys in charge of disaster preparedness and response were unable to take care of bidness in the Big Easy.  Can you point to anything so far in your administration that has been a ringing success?  Take all the time you need with that one, sir.

Do you even want me to start on fiscal responsibility?  The conservative principles of controlling government spending was the first casualty in war, wasn’t it?  This ballooning deficit and the expansion of the Federal Government would make LBJ roll over and tell FDR the news.   Thanks for the tax cut, I appreciate getting my own money back.

Here’s the one that is really chafing my junk, your apparatchiks in the Department of Homeland Security have started seizing internet servers.  My favorite movie review site got the disk drive snatched up because of what exactly?  You don’t know?  Oh, National Security.  That’s your answer for everything.   I’m certain their review of Fahrenheit 9/11 wasn’t that favorable, so what is the problem?  ‘Eternal Vigilance is the Price of Liberty’ used to mean we watched the government — not the other way around.

Sir, you need to step up.  Time’s a wastin’ and history is awaiting.  Your legacy will be that of the guy who made sure the barn door was shut after all the cattle died of brucellosis.  We get the government we deserve, don’t let the American people look like a pack of drooling morons.  We can do that all on our own, thank you.  

No government, of its own motion, will increase its own weakness, for that would mean to acquiesce in its own destruction … governments, whatever their pretensions otherwise, try to preserve themselves by holding the individual down … Government itself, indeed, may be reasonably defined as a conspiracy against him. Its one permanent aim, whatever its form, is to hobble him sufficiently to maintain itself.    H.L. Mencken


5 Responses to “Doin’ a Heckuva Job Bushie”

  1. Rachel Says:

    I think we actually agree on something! Also, "Your legacy will be that of the guy who made sure the barn door was shut after all the cattle died of brucellosis," is a lovely sentence. Good stuff.

  2. saraclark Says:

    A Reagan flashback, a Coen Brothers Movie Quote and Bovine Disease all in one post. You have outdone yourself. I feel nostaglic. Well Done.

  3. George W. Bush Says:

    I’m the decider. And I’ve decided to send you to Gitmo. Pack your bags, you un-American so and so.

  4. Katherine Coble Says:

    I think you summed it all up nicely. And of course the Zevon addict in me thanks you for the brucellosis mention.

  5. Sarcastro Says:

    The Zevon reference was for your consumption, KC. Pardon the pun.

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