At Least They Aren’t Trekkies


moblog_d20139ae7086b.jpg I used to have some friends who lived right off Elmington Park.  We may still be friends even though we haven’t spoken in a few years.  But I do know they no longer live right off Elmington Park.  One of the reason’s they were interested in moving were the medieval enthusiasts who would swarm the park on the weekends.  My buddies referred to them as "those rubber sword fuckers."

   So, now when I see these guys anywhere all I can think is "Hey, it’s the rubber sword fuckers!"  In fact, I didn’t even know they had a name other than "rubber sword fuckers" until I saw them recently at a Nashville Kats game.  They did their schtick at half time.  In all honesty, it was at least as entertaining as Arena Football, and far preferable to being forced to sit through a Tim McGraw/Faith Hill concert.  Here’s a video of their half-time rumble.  It took all of my self-control to keep from saying to the two children I was with, "You boys want to watch the rubber sword fuckers at half-time?"  The culture clash between the kilt wearing rubber sword fuckers and the average Kats fan was a fun sight to behold.  One of my young wards asked, "Why is that guy wearing a dress?"  My first impulse was to answer, "He’s trying to get out of the Army on a Section 8.", but I have been warned about corrupting their little minds. Instead, I struggled to explain the whole medieval combat thingy without using the phrase "rubber sword fuckers."  The kids seemed suitably impressed with my answer and looked forward to the half-time show.

As much as the urge to mock these people seems like the thing to do, they aren’t really hurting anyone but each other, with rubber swords.  They can meet people with similar interests, perhaps meet a member of the opposite sex.  That alone probably makes it a big draw for these guys.  Oddly enough, many of them "started as Dungeons and Dragons geeks in school." 

At least they aren’t wasting their Sundays in church, listening about how Opie made a bad movie based on a work of fiction that somehow is exploiting the gullibility of the general public.  The Church hates competition like that.

So, instead of heading down to the TN RenFair, save your fifteen bucks per adult and head over to Elmington Park to watch the rubber sword fuckers.  

Hey, here’s an idea!  Let’s get Metro to fund these guys in exchange for them to police all the Metro Parks with rubber swords.  Someone’s dog won’t play nice with Mrs. Wigglebottom at the dog park, get a rubber sword fucker to straighten it out.  Some old guy runs his car up on the grass at Centennial, instead of shooting him, let the rubber sword fuckers beat him.  Illicit man-on-man action happening in front of the kiddies at a few of the out of the way parks, send in the Orcs.

It may not work, but damn, it would be fun to watch


11 Responses to “At Least They Aren’t Trekkies”

  1. Exador Says:

    There is probably less of a chance of meeting a woman who is into that lifestyle, but if you did! You know she doesn’t buy into any of this new age feminist bullshit. GET ME MORE STOUT, TART!Ah, heaven.

  2. Exador Says:

    I think that video is of a Capial One ad.

  3. Katherine Coble Says:

    <I>There is probably less of a chance of meeting a woman who is into that lifestyle,</I>And that’d be where you’re wrong. I know dozens of SCA wenches. (That’s what happens when you were a D&D geek in school…) Yes, they’re servile. Unfortunately most of them also refuse to shave. Realism, you know.

  4. Katherine Coble Says:

    Okay. Between yesterday’s and today’s entries I feel like the Queen of All Geeks.Can’t decide whether this is good or bad.

  5. CeeElCee Says:

    Kat, Kat, Kat,An SCA wench? I used to have fond memories of RPG playing in high school. Then at about the age of 35, several of us got to wondering,"Why did a 30 year old guy used to park in the school lot on Thursdays and sell us modules out of the trunk of his mother’s LeSabre? And why did he always volunteer to be our dungeon master? Oh yeah, now I get it. He was a pedophile."He never hit on me, though. I guess I could be offended, but based on the picture posted on the front page of my blog today, he probably thought I was a chick.

  6. Katherine Coble Says:

    <I> An SCA wench? </I>Me? No. Never. I dressed up as Star Wars characters plenty, but I drew the line at Medieval reinactments. Actually, I drew the line at RPG live-gaming. Other friends did not. looked up my personal "Avid Gamer Guy" the other day on Google. He is now flogging SCA out in California. As for your pedophile, maybe he was just really lonely. You didn’t look like a chick. You looked like every other gamer guy named Shawn or Chad or Brian. (Didn’t every cell have a Brian? Parents, don’t name your kids Brian unless you want geektoid kids.)

  7. CeeElCee Says:

    Nice try, but the "Cee" isn’t for "Chad."As for Sarcastro’s originsl post, we used to have a lot of Aussie friends that hung out with us at the Sportsman’s Grille. When the Aussie Rules Football team would play matched in Elmington, the rubber sword fuckers would wave their scimitars around and sneer at the big, dumb, sweaty jocks running around the dusty field chasing a stupid ball. Then a kick would sail a little long into the area where they were smoking cloves and they would scatter shrieking like little girls. It was always entertaining!

  8. peptodismal Says:

    I had a chain mail fetish once, but it only involved a pyramid scheme where I was the apex. Creative anachronism …uh huh. you want fries with that?

  9. sgazzetti Says:

    Rashid, your post made me think of two things:1) Do you remember PFC Master Thespian from my platoon at Huachuca, perhaps the greatest RenFaire booster Army Intelligence has ever produced? No? Too bad. Good mocking times.2) I beg you and your readership, for the love of Odin, to go read this: doth ensue.

  10. Sarcastro Says:

    I remember there being A Master Thespian in your platoon. Was it that guy Tim, who was my roomate at DLI? He was the guy who would cup his hand over his ear as he crooned James Taylor hits for the ladies? That being one of several reasons I remain unable to listen to Sweet Baby James to this day. Or was Master Thespian another dork we were preparing to go to war with?

  11. sgazzetti Says:

    I’d forgotten all about M.T.’s partner in crooning, your former roommate. M.T. was a Serbian speaker, which is why we’d never mixed with him at D.L.I. In addition to the RenFaire fixation, they’d do the occasional a cappella action for the fair maids. I don’t recall the Sweet Baby James, but I’ll forever have their soulful version of Extreme’s "More Than Words" burned into my cerebral cortex.I wake up screaming.

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