The Floggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves


I have a plan that will solve both of the pressing  domestic problems of our nation. 

The price of oil is shooting through the roof.  Here in Middle Tennessee regular gas is creeping towards the $3 per gallon mark.  Peak Oil is here, according to the usual gang of doomsayers. 

The other gang of usual doomsayers claim that the rampant invasion of illegal aliens from South of the Border  are coming in to the country and "tookourjobs".

Here’s the plan:  We buy a shitload of rickshaws and make the illegals pull them.  Instead of going to the expense, trouble and cost to round up all the illegals, we tell them they will be deported unless they get in the rickshaw pullin’ bidness.  Pay them a buck or two above minimum wage, so it’s not, you know, slavery.  That will get cars off the road, provide full employment as well as new entrepreneurial opportunities for the small business man.  With all the illegals pulling rickshaws, there won’t be any more of this sniveling about the illegals doing "jobs Americans won’t do".  Because, if anything fits that definition, it’s rickshaw pulling.

With fewer cars on the road, demand for fuel will drop.  As demand drops, so will price.  There you go.  Full employment and cheap gas.  You’re welcome. 

kramrickshaw.jpg Newman: It’s the romance of the hansom cab without the guilt or dander of the equine.





On a related topic, for my employees who may be reading this:

If you decide to take Monday "off" for this bullshit protest deal, you are so fucking fired.  I will hire some Rent-A-Drunks to replace you all.   I value you all as important to our company’s future success and feel that you are all family, but if you aren’t at work when I get back from out of town on Monday, you can all go pull  a rickshaw.

Bienvenidos Estados Unidos.  Chupa mi pito.


6 Responses to “The Floggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves”

  1. W Says:

    Holy shit man. You’re a genius.

  2. elizabeth Says:

    wildly enough, I had this same thought the other night. Perhaps you are with the government and are spying on me?

  3. Nashville Knucklehead Says:

    I knew a guy who used to pull a rickshaw in Toronto. He said he was in the best shape of his life. Said he got laid alot.Of course, he got laid by chicks who would screw a rickshaw puller.

  4. Paul Herrmann Says:

    This is funny as hell……Have you ever thought about running for President or Congress?I would fire them too…Great Post and from Todd-a’s blogsite to yours, I am going to link this to our blogsite.

  5. saraclark Says:

    I have a t-shirt with a skull and cross bones with the saying "the beatings will continue until morale improves." I love it, it always gets comments in public and I wore on my last day at work.I wouldn’t mind meeting a rickshaw driver…

  6. newscoma Says:

    Is there anyway in this capitalist society that anyone of us could start are own rickshaw business?I mean, when I was about nine, I bought a pet rock, so there has to be an avenue of investment and financial gain for this alternative fuel source.Yellow Rickshaw Inc., something like that?

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