Brag About You


Recently, there has been a lot of loose talk about the validity of online journalism in regards to traditional journalism.   One example of the superiority of Old Media is our very own Tennessean.  After all, only a newspaper populated with journalism school grads could provide the citizenry such informed pieces as today’s article about the candidates  for County Clerk.  The headline reads, Five ready to take clerk’s job.    The lede paragraph then goes on to say: The Davidson County clerk post will turn over for the first time in two decades this year, with five candidates lined up to take long-timer Bill Covington’s place Sept. 1.  Of course, the body of the article then only refers to one candidate for the office.  Sure, in a sidebar to the article, the other candidates are mentioned.   Most of the article consists of current County Clerk, the squeaky clean Bill Covington holding forth about how the ideas of his potential successors aren’t feasible.

Shouldn’t an article with that title and lede have actual quotes, ideas or even the names of the five candidates.? No, that stuff was all relegated to a side bar.  This must make the paper easier for chimps to read, or at least edit.

So in tribute to the increasingly dumb daily fish wrap, I will now parody their franchise column

 If She Was My Step-Sister, I Would…

My former imaginary girlfriend Maggie Grace and her co-star Ian Somerhalder have continued their creepy, quasi-incestous affair off the island and are now a couple.  As Ma Schmitt used to say, "That’sa spicy meatball!" 

Didn’t she watch Two and a Half Men? 

My other imaginary girlfriend has dropped the bomb on soon to be ex-husband Charlie Sheen.  Hey babe, after you get half of his stuff, I’m still available.  Plus, I only look at celebrity porn. 

But, will it come to TPAC? 

My other-other imaginary girlfriend,  Julia Roberts is taking a beating from the New York critics about her new play.  With any luck, she will appear in a new play I’m writing about hanging out in front of the ladies room at the Ryman.

Oh, that crazy Sandbar! 

The girls are getting out of hand in my best pal Kenny Chesney ‘s VIP section.  I’ve long partied in the Sandbar, and not a day goes by without some girls getting into a catfight over my little buddy.  Don’t worry girls, there is plenty of him to go around.  As long as you take small bites.  For the record, I totally didn’t read this story over at Rhinestoned last week.

Today’s birthdays 

British Historian David Irving turns 68.  Mazel Tov! 




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