We All Scream For Ice Cream


Now that spring has sprung, the ice cream vendors are out in force, prowling your neighborhood and luring your children with their chocolatey wares.   Far be it for me to impugn the noble motives of these peddlers of sweet, tasty goodness.  But, shouldn’t it send up a red flag when they troll around in these ice cream trucks blaring Beethoven’ s Fur Elise like a siren’s song?  It can’t just be me who is creeped out by that.  There is something sinister about that song.   It reminds me of Peter Lorre murdering children while whistling Grieg’s In The Hall of The Mountain King.

Not every pedophile can afford an ice cream truck.  Some have to resort to using My Space

Parents, do yourselves a favor and start buying your ice cream at the store.  Make popsicles out of Kool-Aid.   If you want to keep your kids out of the back of one of these rape-wagons, you should bolt the doors and shut the windows whenever you hear the eerily ramshackle ice cream truck coming down the street.  The edgy loner behind the wheel may not just be an unemployed carny, he may be the last person your child ever sees!

Remember, it’s for the children! 


6 Responses to “We All Scream For Ice Cream”

  1. Nashville Knucklehead Says:

    While trying to manage to post a decent score at Hermitage GC last summer, there was an ice cream truck blaring his song in the adjoining neighborhood, annoying us on every drive, approach and putt. We decided that he couldn’t possibly make more than $100 in a day, and if we could find him, we would gladly pay him to leave.

  2. Peptodismal Says:

    I’m gonna have to chalk an M on your shoulder if you don’t lay off the obscure references.

  3. Katherine Coble Says:

    Way to tap into my darkest childhood fears.http://tinycatpants.squarespace.com/journal/2006/4/16/also-behold-the-butcher.html#commentsFirst the Kool-aid pitcher and now this.What’s on for tomorrow? Clowns? Ventriloquist’s dummies? Slavering Dobermans? Slim Goodbody?

  4. newscoma Says:

    Ice Cream Trucks used to hold a lovely place in my brain when I was like five."Rape Wagons?"I am kinda scarred. However, being one of those folks who really doesn’t like ice cream that much, I am also oddly unaffected.Bipolar, I know.

  5. Exador Says:

    As I recall, there was an evil child-killer in Spawn that drove an ice cream truck.AND an evil clown.Coble that movie was MADE for you. All it needs is a Kool-Aid guy.

  6. Sarcastro Says:

    Knuck, I just finished nine holes and I kept praying that an ice cream man would show up so I would have someone to blame my shitty slice on.

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