Suffer The Children

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"But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto Me: for of such is the ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition!"
(Matthew 19:14)

For those viewers of the above vile program, who weep uncontrollably about how the  retarded-kids-who-had-a-cross-burnt-in-the-yard-of-their-widowed-
due-to-a-drunk-driver-cancer ridden-deaf-mother’s tar paper shack, wind up with a new hacienda, get your hankies ready.  Thanks to the selfless Ty Pennington, his crew of  unpaid volunteers, the folks at Sears who just give away stuff without any expectation of product placement, and some morally numb producers, this coming season is going to be the best yet!

The gang at The Smoking Gun has come up with a wish list that the aforementioned exploiters of grief producers would just love to have for upcoming programs.  It must be getting harder for ABC to come up with new ways of cynically manipulating the audiences to tears every Sunday night.

Expect to hear Anne Holt or Bob Mueller intone on an upcoming newscast about how your kid with progeria can become an object of pity for the entire nation, but you get a cool new house out of the deal!  That’s cross promotion!  Or is it crass promotion?  I forget. 

progeria.jpg" Where’s my goddamn soy latte, Ty?  Get that hot chick with the killer rack to bring it over after she finishes my cool new bedroom."

 


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