Parading O’ the Stereotypes

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Exador came up for Paddy’s Day.  We use this excuse for bacchanalia annually before the beginning of Spring Purification.  Due to legal considerations, I can’t get too in depth as to what transpired over the weekend.  But there are some questions that my attorneys have allowed me to answer.

Were you asked to leave the Broadway Brewhouse? 

Not at all.  We left on our own accord and in fact, returned to the scene of that crime both Saturday and Sunday. 

Did Exador hit on the  Jim Beam girls? 

No, not really.  Unless  by "hit on", you mean "drunkenly leer" then, by all means, yes.

Did Exador puke on cars in rush hour traffic?

I am not aware of any vehicles that were vomited on, other than my own.  Although it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility that any vehicles that were at Broadway and I-40  stopped at the light in front of White Castle, wound up with some expectorant on their windshield.

How bad was it?

Let me put it this way, have you ever seen Monty Python’s Meaning of Life?   I kept waiting for John Cleese to appear and order "another bucket for monsieur".

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When did the fighting begin?

Again, there are legal considerations at work here.  I can’t recall.  Somewhere around the time that Aunt B called.  Although, I think before. 

Who won?

We are calling it a draw.  My smashing of Exador’s head into the dashboard (twice) brought the match to a halt, although he was ahead on points as I was the only one bleeding.  He had the upper hand due to my operating a motor vehicle at the time and secondary focus of keeping us out of jail.  In a fair fight he would murder me.   If there is ever a rematch, expect me to cheat.

Then what happened? 

Thankfully, Exador passed out on the couch to power nap before dinner with Ex-Mrs. Sarcastro and our assorted significant others.

Did he sober up?

Sort of.  He has Wolverine’s healing powers.  Just ask him.  He will tell you about it ad infinitum.   We were sober enough that we didn’t have to worry about Ex-Mrs. Sarcastro killing us.  She  was a government assassin and warned us of the consequences of us being out of hand.

Where did you go for dinner? 

F. Scotts.  It was an excellent meal and excellent company with which to have an excellent meal.

Were there any complaints  about your behavior there?

Perhaps.  I’m not really at liberty to say.  The neighboring tables full of senior citizens and lecherous old men wooing scantily-clad young women didn’t seem to be amused.  We were shooshed a few times by ex-Mrs. Sarcastro after getting the stink-eye from the other tables.

But there were no other incidents, right? 

Look, what do you want from me?  We are upstanding citizens.  This line of questioning leads me to believe you are trying to encourage this sort of inappropriate behavior or get me to exaggerate the level of tomfoolery that went on.  No, we didn’t lean over to the next table and ask, "How much for the little girl?".  If that is what you are getting at.

But you thought about it. 

Can we move on?

Where else did you go? 

We were going to go to the Greenhouse, but they wanted fifteen damn dollars to get in the door to listen to some wretched cover band.  So we walked down to the Box Seat had some beers and left for Brewhouse West.  We had a round there then went home.

Any brushes with the law? 

Not as of yet, no.

What about the rest of the weekend?

It was fairly sedate.  We moved some stuff out of my office and into my new home office on Saturday.  Then we went to the gun show. 

How was that and why did you go?

Seven bucks for the crappiest gun show I’ve ever been to, other  than that it was fine.  Not a big selection.  One reason to go is our firm support of the Bill of Rights which includes the Second Amendment for those of you who went to government schools.  The other is that my neighbor told me that his step-son who lives at home with him is out on bail for home invasion and the other step-son who lives at home is wearing an ankle monitor so his every white trash move can be tracked.  This is important safety information to have.  The neighbor wants me to call the cops if the Springer generation under his roof gets out of hand while he is at work.

Anything else worth reporting?

No.  I told you it was fairly sedate and low-key other than the unfortunate incidents of Paddy’s Day.  Exador did leave his shoes, hairbrush, toothbrush and part of his liver here.  He was in a hurry to get home to see his sick dog and lovely wife. 

Any regrets? 

Yes, I’m sorry I spent the last hour ripping off Rex L. Camino with this Q&A format.   He does it so much better. 

 

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One Response to “Parading O’ the Stereotypes”

  1. Great Caesar’s Fat Ass! « Watching The Defectives Says:

    […] an option. There is so little to cut out.  My liquor intake is a tiny fraction of what it was just a few years ago. I bought a six-pack five days ago, and there is still a beer left in it. Shocking, I know, but […]

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