Archive for December, 2005

In Memoriam

December 31, 2005

A lot of good folks left us this past year.  No, I don’t mean victims of natural disasters, soldiers and civilians in war-torn corners of the globe, or celebrities whose stars have shone brightly then faded to black.  Well, maybe a form of local celebrity is what I mean.  There have been some folks who have shuffled off the blogger coil and gone to join the choir of commenters invisible.

Mr. Roboto of Thursday Night Fever:  He is a class act and still appears on the web every now and again.  Personal and professional obligations put him off blogging about the Nashville nightlife (for now).  So his site is down, but hopefully not out.  The people he entrusted the TNF franchise with failed him and failed us all.

Jon Jackson of Crap and Drivel:  This guy who I’ve never met got me into blogging.   I would comment here and there, but needed to figure out how I could set up my own site and such.  I came across Jon’s rants and immediately knew what needed to be done.  His stuff was so good and funny and raw that I got to be envious of his talents.  He was fearless in his scathing commentaries about everyday life.  Whether he was in the office, sitting at home or going out to grab a beer, there was always amazingly hilarious material that he could mine from that daily mundane existence.  Aunt B and I have discussed starting a Jon Jackson creative writing contest.  It would be like those Bad Hemingway or Faux Faulkner contests.   But, with Jon’s site down, we don’t have many good example of his stuff lying around.  Maybe there is some Jacksonian gold buried at the NiT archives.

The Saucy Librarian:  Some say she got married, others say she still haunts the periodicals section.  Whatever became of her, she is missed.  Plus, there is just something hot about the librarian looking chicks.  Like Caroline Munro in that Adam Ant video.

Huck of What The F…Huck? :  My man, you haven’t posted since early November.  What kind of shit is that?   Sure you are busy with work and the family and all, but damn.

Pith In The Wind:  Yes, technically they are still a going concern.  But there isn’t a lot of anything worth reading,  recently.  Roger Abramson rarely posts anything anymore.  Bruce Barry will post maybe one thing a day.  Anyone remember when PITW was the place to get into a good discussion about several different topics at once?  It seems to have degenerated into a pit of name calling and flame wars about polarized politics and boring wonky talk.   Not that I would know anything about such rude behavior.  Nashville is Talking has picked up a lot of the slack.  It is kind of sad that we can’t have two healthy forums for topical conversation in this town. 

Damn, I know I’m leaving someone out.  

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Don’t You Have A Nun Bun To Find?

December 30, 2005

The busybodies who make it a point to mouthpiece for the Catholic Church have their shorts in a wad about the South Park episode a few weeks back.

Don’t you saps have anything better to do?  Like, for instance, raise some money to payoff all the kids who were molested by priests?   Isn’t there a war on Christmas you are trying to win?  Sure, sometimes you need to take a break from counting money, following Jesus’ teachings to get worked up about a cartoon on basic cable.  But with all the exorcism of demons in little girls and pictures of Jesus in the bottom of nacho cheese pans, I just don’t see how you have the time or the energy.  The Lord must be giving you strength.  Because he sure didn’t give you brains.

Sometimes, things are funny because they are true. 

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All Things Imbecilic

December 27, 2005

There are many good reasons to listen to NPR.  You can listen to the classical music at night to help you fall asleep.  If that doesn’t work, you can listen to Garrison Keillor for the same effect.  I like to listen to NPR in order to determine if I possibly have a brain aneuryism.  Because, when something incredibly stupid, patently false or lacking in any logic or reasoning (usually a combination of the three) comes out of the radio it causes me to shout "That’s Bullshit!" at the top of my lungs with an eye-popping, neck vein-bulging ferocity.  Which, if I had a brain aneuryism, I should drop immediately dead after that.  So today, thanks to NPR, I got a clean bill of health.

On tonight’s broadcast of "All Things Considered", they did a feature on a group of burnout jazz musicians called the Liberation Music Orchestra.  These dopes get together every decade or so when they have their panties bunched up about how much America sucks, and record an album of unlistenable music. 

What got my hose in a knot wasn’t the anti-Americanism or Bush-bashing or whatever the cause d’jour of the perpetually upset applecart of our homegrown whiner class is this week.   It was the little story of how they formed this cacophony of complaining in the first place.

They claim to have started in 1968 when "Nixon was bombing Cambodia".  Here’s a little tip for you kids who slept through history class.  Nixon wasn’t President in 1968.  He suceeded Lyndon B. Johnson on January 20, 1969.  He didn’t start bombing Cambodia until March of 1969.  So they can’t even come up with a good story of when they started playing music without making up some shit about how it was Nixon’s fault that they sound like cats being thrown into a saw mill.

Then it struck me, who does that sound like?  Who else recently ran around claiming that "Nixon blah blah Cambodia blah blah 1968 blah blah."  Who indeed.

"I remember Christmas of 1968 sitting on a gunboat in Cambodia. I remember what it was like to be shot at by Vietnamese and Khmer Rouge and Cambodians, and have the president of the United States telling the American people that I was not there; the troops were not in Cambodia. I have that memory which is seared — seared — in me."  John F. Kerry said that.  He said it several times.  He said it to anyone who would listen.  Problem was, it wasn’t true.

Yes, Nixon did bomb Cambodia. He just didn’t do it at a convenient time for opportunistic gold digging hucksters and out of tune horn blowers to be able to demonize for their own purposes.  Hey, if you want to listen to some good music that was a direct result of American interference in Cambodia and the genocide committed by the Khmer Rouge directly after it, check out Concerts for the People of Kampuchea.  It also features a shoutout to former UN Sec-Gen/ex-Nazi Kurt Waldheim.  You really can’t top that for the irony sweepstakes.

Notafinga!

December 26, 2005

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Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it’s zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.

The Bumpus Hounds 

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and…

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See You At Bonnaroo, Dirty Hippie!

December 25, 2005

 No, Stuart.  The  Three Wise Men did not bring the baby Jesus gifts of Gold, Patchouli and Bong Resin.000_0005.jpg

 

 

 

Get Your Boot Off My Windpipe, Mom

December 24, 2005

The Iron Fist of the Matriarchy has cracked down on all Christmas blogging activities.  After the Thanksgiving write up, she is none too keen on the family being portrayed like a "pack of rednecks"*.  The Iron Remote Control of the Patriarchy, as always, remains indifferent.

Although, installing the Patriarchy’s new plasma TV turned into a Mexican standoff, as he and I argued for forty-five minutes about where all the wires in the back plug into.  After reading the poorly written instructions a few times and trying to figure out what sort of Soviet-era space program Dad learned audio/visual installation from, he finally relented and agreed to hook up the TV as I suggested.  It was a radical idea to plug the wire from the satellite receiver into the plug designed for it, and the three RCA cables into the space marked "three RCA cables", but such huge risks usually pay off for me.

So the TV looks great and I can’t wait to go through this again when the High Definition Satellite receiver shows up and we have new cables and connections to fight over. 

*actual quote. 

You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

December 24, 2005

Recently, Sharon Cobb came out and yelled "j’accuse" at me for comparing her to Charles Manson.  I didn’t.  I merely pointed out that they shared the same view of The Beatles’ White Album.  Now there are two ways one can handle such a groundless accusation.  One could offer a half-hearted apology that no actual comparison was made and that the idea of such a comparison being made is the work of a mind consumed with humorless feminist rhetoric.  Or, one could go ahead and make the comparison anyway.  Because in this day and age kids, if you are going to be accused of something, hell, you might as well do it and make it worth the trouble.  Besides, picking on women recovering from cancer makes me feel like a big man.

Sharon Cobb:  Came from an abusive background.

Charles Manson:  Came from an abusive background. 

Sharon Cobb:  Started a family with Tex Cobb.

Charles Manson:  Started a "family" with Tex Watson. 

Sharon Cobb: Has hung out with famous people. (Pat Morita, Richard Pryor)

Charles MansonHas hung out with famous people. (Dennis Wilson, Geraldo Rivera) 

Sharon Cobb:  Spouts crazy nonsense about how the Governor is killing people.

Charles Manson:  Spouts crazy nonsense. 

Sharon Cobb:   Thought The Beatles were sending her messages in their music.

Charles Manson:  Thought The Beatles were sending him messages in their music. 

Sharon CobbHas a group of women followers. (Kitty Coble, Brittney Gilbert, Aunt B)

Charles Manson:  Has a group of women followers. (Patricia Krenwinkle, Leslie Van Houten, Squeaky Fromme) 

Sharon Cobb:  Has spent time with Phil Kaufman.

Charles MansonHas done time with Phil Kaufman.

Sharon Cobb:  Songwriter.

Charles Manson:  Songwriter.

Sharon Cobb:  Is of the Jewish persuasion.

Charles Manson:  Persuaded his followers to carve swastikas in their foreheads.

Sharon Cobb:  Used to provide stories for NBC News. 

Charles Manson:  Used to provide material for NBC’s Saturday Night Live. 

 Sharon Cobb:  Had a secretary named Manson who asked her not to go to John Lennon’s house.

Charles Manson:  Had a secretary named Cobb who asked him not to go to Sharon Tate’s house. 

Has anyone ever noticed that you don’t see Sharon and Charles Manson at the same place at the same time?  Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? 

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Dreaming of A Venture Bros. Christmas

December 22, 2005

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In the spirit of the holidays, here’s a couple of audio files from the fine folks at Filmforce.ign.com.

The first is The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend with their recreation of the Bing Crosby/David Bowie version of Little Drummer Boy.  Possibly creepier than the original.

Next is The Monarch and Henchmen 21 and 24 with a stirring rendition of Dolly Parton’s Hard Candy Christmas.
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Look for The Venture Bros. Season 1 DVD coming to a retailer near you!

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An Evening With Aunt B

December 21, 2005

Last night, Aunt B and I went for some burgers, beers and Christmas shopping.  As she penned a flattering ode to yours truly, it seemed like the thing to do.

As usual, once the beer started flowing, it degenerated into something like this:

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To see an embiggened version click here.  Or you could right-click your mouse and select "view image".

Give Me Back My Sun God!

December 21, 2005

The teaser trailer for Mel Gibson’s pre-Columbian epic, Apocalypto is out in glorious Quicktime.  Enjoy it in all of its gloriousness here.

 Look for Mel’s trademark practical jokester persona to be subliminally inserted about halfway through the teaser with this frame, that will go by so fast you might miss it.

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