Life Imitates Art Imitates Life

by

People like to talk about ‘the train wreck‘.  We always have to stop and watch ‘the train wreck’.  But there are two kinds of wrecks, the ones you have to stop and look at, and the ones you can’t bear to watch anymore.  This week we are commemorating one of the wrecks I can’t watch anymore. 

When images of September 11, 2001 come on the tube, I have to change the channel.  I can’t watch those people die again.  I have the utmost respect for the people who died that day.  That’s why it exceeds my limit of morbid curiosity.   Disasters from the past aren’t a problem.  I can watch the Zapruder film without a twinge of emotion.  I can see newsreel footage of the Hindenburg or the attack on Pearl Harbor.  All of those events happened before I was born, so there is no emotional connection.  Watching the towers come down on live tv was enough for me.

The footage coming out of the Gulf States is starting to hit me the same way.  I’m not sure I can watch any more bloated corpses bobbing around the brackish water.  I don’t want to see any more elderly people wrapped in makeshift burial shrouds.   I’m trying not to follow the news about Katrina’s aftermath.  I have to change the channel.  Too much of that stuff will numb you to the true impact of such a disaster.  Stalin once said, "One  death is a tragedy, a million  is a statistic."

Stalin wasn’t exactly a barrel of laughs, just ask the kulaks who were exterminated by him during the collectivization of the Soviet agriculture system.  Stalin "liquidated" the kulaks, and seven million people died of starvation.  And didja know, that "Stalin" means "Man of Steel"?  So to get away from the tragic train wrecks, I flipped the channel to watch another train wreck.  The Titans taking a beating from the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Or more appropriately, the Pittsburgh Stalins.  As they liquidated the hapless Titans and sent their families to the gulag.  It, too, became too painful to watch at one point.

Finally I found a train wreck I could watch.  VH1’s Celebreality programming block.  Ahhh, the problems of people who are barely famous just warms us like a hug.   First up was the Surreal Life.   That Janice Dickinson looks like a man, man.    She is batshit, coke-fiend crazy.  You would be too, if your bid to stay young-looking through plastic surgery, resulted in you resembling a post-operative transexual. 

After that, the My Fair Brady pulled into the station.  What really made this the Silver Streak of train wrecks is that parts of dialogue and situations sounded like it came directly out of my house.  I hate it when my life is being played out on television and I’m not getting a residual check.  The gist of this show is that Peter Brady hooked up with hottie young model on last year’s Surreal Life and now live together in a serious, might get married, kind of relationship.  The nutty part is that he is twenty five years older than his new girlfriend.    That isn’t the creepy part.  The creepy part is how their conversations, especially those regarding their future, her maturity level and the whole enchilada is damn near verbatim every "relationship" chat I’ve had lately.  Hell, the description of the first episode sounds like the last two years of my life.  "Chris wants Adrianne to prove to him that she is independent and can change her wild ways before becoming wife material.  But,…"   It’s deja vu, all over again!

Finally, after that, Danny Bonaduce’s new show comes on.  Holy shit.  This is the Hindenburg of train wrecks.  This guy is determined to run his life into the ground on in front of people with video cameras.   Evidently, he married a woman after knowing her for seven hours.  They have been together now for fifteen years.  His marriage is the sanest thing about him.  The guy has armed his self-destruct mechanism and wants us all to watch.  Seriously, if you think you have problems, watch this show. 

I wonder if they would have made a reality show with Stalin? 

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14 Responses to “Life Imitates Art Imitates Life”

  1. Katherine Coble Says:

    Honestly, admit it. You’re just talking about your relationship in your blog because you want another 70 comments on one post. You’re pimping your comment section. No two ways about it! ;-pOther than that, I promise that I wrote my latest post before reading word one of yours. I swear the first half of yours is on a parallel mind track with mine. We are the Borg. Creepy. Sorry about that.

  2. sgazzetti Says:

    Man, man. Just seeing those two (?) words together makes me happy.

  3. Sarcastro Says:

    It isn’t the plagiarism that disappoints me, KC. It is the gratuitous use of Star Trek references.

  4. Aunt B. Says:

    I’m trying to imagine how a reality show with Stalin would go. If it were like the Apprentice, it’d be one episode–everyone would go into the board room; the door would shut; one dude would come back out; and the families of the others would hound him for the rest of his days, thinking there must have been some logic to him surviving when others did not; but of course, there wouldn’t be; it’d be more of Stalin’s “wacky” shenanigans. That part would be sad.There’d be a lot of vodka, though. It’d have that going for it.

  5. Sarcastro Says:

    Stalin did have a show in the ’50’s. One memorable episode had him and Ethel working at People’s Chocolate Factory on the conveyor belt. Ahh, the Golden Age of Television…

  6. melusina Says:

    Imagine a “Real World” with Stalin, Hitler, and Mussolini living in the same house. Add three actresses and a homosexual and you’ve got yourself a show!I’m so bummed out that the European VH1 doesn’t get all these shows

  7. Aunt B. Says:

    Ooo, Mel, good idea. If we’re going for a theme on the boy’s side, let’s go for a theme on the girl’s side as well. Imagine a house full of Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, Tom Cruise, and Juliette Binoche, Juliette Lewis, and… well, I can’t come up with another Juliette who’s an actress, but we could have good old Joliet Jake, if fictional characters played by dead actors count…I’d love to see the confessionals where Belushi just rants about his other housemates. That’d be awesome.

  8. Katherine Coble Says:

    “That’s My Gulag!” New on the WB

  9. Sarcastro Says:

    Aunt B, that sounds like an old Art Fern routine: (to further hammer home the not-that-obscure comedy of your infancy) “Juliette Binoche, Juliette Lewis, Juliet Mills, Julianne Moore and JoJo the Wonder Lizard in ‘She Schtupps to Conquer’.”

  10. Rex L. Camino Says:

    I think Siberia was supposed to be one big episode of “Survivor”, “Big Brother”, “Fear Factor”, and “Full House” rolled into one–only they forgot the cameras.

  11. Aunt B. Says:

    If it happened after 8:30 p.m. in the 70s, I missed it, being, as I was, a very young child of somewhat hippie parents. I’ve never seen Carson on tv. But your pun was funny, in spite of my cultural deficiencies.

  12. Sarcastro Says:

    What kind of world are we living in when hippie Methodists don’t let their kid stay up and watch Carson?

  13. Katherine Coble Says:

    It isn’t the plagarism that disappoints me, KC. It is the gratuitous use of Star Trek references.Really. I ask you. Are there any other kind?

  14. Steve Riley Says:

    Any show that locks the Hollywood elite in a room with sociopathic mass murderers is a great idea. Hell, you don’t even need the cameras. But the cameras would make it better.

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